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Friday, February 4, 2011

Living the dream?

Good morning,

How glamorous is life sometimes as mouse made her way to the basement in search of a toilet plunger.  The toilet, it seems, three flights up was stopped up.  Lovely.  Then after returning it to its spot in the basement (don't ask why it's kept all the way down there),  mouse returned to tasks of cleaning, laundry, and a whole lotta cooking.

Lots of cooking.

Sometimes it's just easier to cook in advance, pull the ready meals out of the fridge add a few more ingredients and dinner is ready.  Omega, naturally, loves the idea because it seems so organized and an efficient use of Omega's time.  Well, mouse's time is Omega's time.

After dinner Omega did his usual, helping clear the table, loading the dishwasher and pressing too closely to mouse, which made her tremble.  How does he do that?  How does just the act of standing close to mouse send her over the edge?  Does he know?  Of course he does.  Silly mouse.

After the evening ritual, he bound the rings, which is fast becoming his favorite thing to do.  He took her in the places he wanted.  The slut is his.  He knows it as well as he knows his name.   He can do anything to her and she will agree.  He knows it and must feel that sense of power.

At the same time, mouse becomes confused because she really doesn't know where his power begins and her submission ends.  It's really like a ring.  Electric current running through it, pulsating to the rhythm we create.  Or is just what he creates?  The days and weeks blend together in a cacophony of sex and service with other things dabbled in between.

Last week, while out running errands, mouse saw a bouquet of flowers.  Impulsively she picked them up and put them into the cart.  As mouse hurried home she put them into a vase and smiled to herself.  The flowers pleased her.  Then it struck her...would Omega be angry that she bought something simply because it pleased her?  That she was intoxicated momentarily by their scent?  Would she be punished for the transgression?  Had mouse overstepped?  Is she allowed a pleasure outside of what Omega offers her?  Being a man he really doesn't care about flowers, unless they're required for some reason, like a birthday, Valentines...he'll do the manly duty of ponying up the money and buy them.  He doesn't do it because he wants to though, he'll do it because it's what he's supposed to do.  It's what men do.

During the evening meal, Omega said nothing about the flowers and mouse would have sworn he hadn't noticed them.  While cleaning up the kitchen he remained silent about them, chatting about other things.  All that left mouse to think that she was in the clear.  Then he asked, where did they come from and mouse recounted the story.  Were flowers on the list?  Of course not.  He wanted to know why she bought them.  Honestly, mouse just looked at him kinda perplexed and tried to come up with what she believed were the right words to maybe avoid punishment.  "They're pretty."

He said nothing, just nodded his head in that way he does, he kissed mouse's forehead and went to work in his study.  Later mouse brought some warm water with lemon (he doesn't like to drink coffee or tea in the evening hours) and he commented again on the flowers.  He said they were nice addition.  "A pleasant spot of Springtime."

At that moment the mouse couldn't stand it any longer, kneeling by his chair and blurting out that she bought them because they were pretty and she wanted them.  He leaned back in his chair and gazed at mouse with no anger in his eyes.  He smiled at her and said that it pleased him for her to do something that would make just make her happy.

Later he asked if she was worried to tell him that.  He wondered if he was pushing mouse too far in all this.  Had he taken too much?  No, she hadn't thought so.  Sure there was a moment of doubt but was there fear?  Pausing for a moment she knew telling him no would be a lie.  Of course there was fear.  Not in bad way; but not in a good way either, because she'd rather do anything than cause Omega any kind of disappointment.

There's no way to wrap this up in a nice way that explains and lays to rest all the fears.  There's no primer to this kind of slavery.

10 comments:

  1. mouse, It's funny I just read an article last night saying that it pleases men when their wives do things that make them happy. The idea was that it takes some of the pressure off of the relationship, or it's not all on them to keep you happy. As I read your post I started wondering how your situation would play out. Would it be different in a M/s relationship, for whatever reason? Seems like Omega wants you to be happy :)

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  2. My mouse,

    While I cannot argue that, I possibly as most men, feel cut flowers are a waste of money. However I would never begrudge you the frivolous indulgence.

    I do understand that in our rules you are required to scrutinize each purchase and consider if I would approve, however for those items, say less than $10, I have no issue.

    In the future should you want to treat yourself, I would expect it not to cause such a visceral negative reaction.

    Omega

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  3. I love this thought. "doesn't know where his power begins and her submission ends. It's really like a ring." I just love it. It's so true some days.

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  4. ally...Oh ya he does, it was just a moment of...dunno.

    sin...that's the way mouse feels most of the time, mostly in the background somewhere. It's only when the idea is really pondered it comes out.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  5. Thank you Master,

    To be clear the feelings weren't good or bad. This one didn't think that she'd be harshly punished for buying the flowers...now if she went out and bought another house....;-)

    yours,
    mouse

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  6. Ah, mouse. I was going to make a comment on your post, when I read your comment on Omega's comment. You're so funny...another house. You so frequently make me smile.

    I too, loved the ring reference. That was a very elegant way to describe your dynamic.

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  7. I read your blog almost every day, (or when you post). Your thoughts and comments have taught me and shown me different aspects of D/s. One comment if I may; (this is said with all due respect) I have been taught that discipline/punishment should be done not out of anger but to teach. If He is angry, then He won't touch me till He calms down and is rational. Being punished or used out of anger seems to be bordering on scary things. I agree with punishment, how can I not? I am one of the most imperfect, stubborn persons around, yet if He spanked me or anything else out of anger, it would scare the hell out of me (and Him).
    Thank you for listening.

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  8. I don't know what to say except that you both are just so good for each other. As hard as he can be on you sometimes, it's so very clear how much he loves you. And it's really not all that unusual for us to lose focus on our own pleasure. We just get so caught up in pleasing them that sometimes the thought and need of it overwhelms us, but that's why we have them. They bring us back to the balance and remind us that our pleasure also brings them pleasure.

    *hugs*

    turiya

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  9. Oh... and something else just came to mind too. You mentioned that you felt fear over what Omega's reaction would be to you buying flowers. I think there's a difference between feeling fear that is instilled by another person... and feeling fear that comes from your own desire to do the right thing. Just thought I should point that out.

    *hugs*

    turiya

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  10. mouse,

    I have been lurking here for some time but this post moved me so much that I had to comment. The re-telling of the flower purchase brought tears to my eyes at the beautiful simplicity of the story, the emotions and the thoughts.

    It was remarkably moving and stunningly beautiful.

    I have done similar things and felt similar emotions and had a similar reaction - with similar consequences. While I cannot say I know how *you* feel or felt, I do know how I felt and think that I can say I understand. Not to contradict your Master or anyone else, but I am not sure that the word "negative" is entirely accurate. I am also not sure what word would be entirely accurate either though!

    After taking the long way round, suffice to say, it was beautiful and deeply moving.

    magdala~

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