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Friday, March 4, 2011

Control

Good morning,

Everything in life has a purpose or meaning, even if you don't understand it when it happens.  As Dominant, Master, Omega decides how much control mouse has over things in our daily lives.  It sounds weird, even stranger to write at times, but that's really how it is.  

The internal struggles we (submissives) all go through all come down, more often than not, to control issues.  We don't want to do something or we want something that is kept out of reach.  Sometimes we're pushed to lose a little more of our personal control.  We can try as hard as we like to say they're about our fears, we're afraid of losing ourselves in our submission, or we're afraid because of our past relationships.  But the truth is fear is the excuse and not really reason.  The reason is control.  When its given up, you can't easily just take it back.  Recently, Omega rearranged the kitchen, which used to be mouse's domain.  The arrangement made sense, it really works better than digging through 20 drawers to find the vegetable peeler.  It all hinges on doing certain things, which honestly is simple.  You have to put things back in the exact place you found them in.  

This whole thing really unsettled mouse, just like the recent 5 minute game Omega was playing and caused resentment to bubble to the surface.  Resentment.  Another thing we submissives tend to feel at times.  We sometimes resent horribly our Dominants control and the smaller the thing is, the harder it is to just swallow it and say they're right.  

Rearranging the kitchen drawers and cabinets was a huge undertaking, but it amounted to a very small thing in our lives.  Except that it fueled resentment.  Not only was mouse resentful that he did it, rearranged the kitchen and pantry (did mouse forget to mention he rearranged the pantry too) but, it was better than she had it before.  

It all went back to control and mouse's lack of it.  He was situating himself into areas that mouse never thought he would.  The kitchen?  He doesn't cook!  

The problem was for mouse she was directing her resentment at Omega and his control but really the resentment she felt was due to her own lack of control.  The fact that she gave it up with smile so willingly, made her inner feminist want to scream. 

Omega decided that mouse didn't need control over the kitchen in that way, just like he gave her only limited control over the type of car she drove, the clothing she wears, the type of undergarments, her rituals...

There are many things he allows her to choose within the limits he's set.

When mouse finally got that through her head, suddenly it seemed much easier and the pill wasn't so bitter.  That resentment she felt so strongly melted away.  Just like the heavy blanket he sometimes wraps mouse up in at night, his control felt comforting to her.  It was, in the end something she did really want and crave.  It wasn't about losing control over those things...it became about gaining an inner peace she didn't know existed.  It feels right and safe and mouse now wraps herself up in those feelings, just like Omega's arms surround her at night. 

11 comments:

  1. It is a comfort to know that these issues come up for other people too. I used to think submission would make things simpler. Ha..

    Hugs,

    K

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  2. mouse,

    I enjoyed your thoughts on this topic.

    O

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  3. I'd never really looked at it in that way... although, I think it's a concept that has been trying to beat its way into my head (figuratively speaking) recently. The way you worded it just made so much sense.

    And it is strange how we long to give up that control and yet when they take it, it can be so unsettling. Maybe it's that whole societal mentality that we're supposed to all be in control of our own lives... and that we can't be happy without that control.

    Truth is... for some of us it's that control that denies us our true happiness. Thanks for this!

    *hugs*

    turiya

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  4. I agree with K, mouse. It is comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

    I'm just starting down this road, and it's a much bigger internal struggle than I thought it would be. That resentment flares up and I have to go through this whole internal dialog with myself to talk myself around to "this is what you wanted, kelly".

    Wow, I found I have so much more to say about this. I might have to post about it, instead of hijack your comments section.

    Hugs,
    k.

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  5. k...it is, in fact mouse was a little worried she'd be too out there, to relate!

    Master...thank you for encouraging your mouse and guiding her. Your mouse loves you so much!

    turiya...Exactly why the inner feminist really wanted to rage.

    little monkey...it's a much bigger issue than mouse thinks most would want to believe! Can't wait to read your thoughts.

    Thanks for the comments and hugs,
    mouse

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  6. Heh... I didn't know I had an inner feminist until about an hour ago... I mean... really... the bathroom??? Third person speak... okay... but the bathroom???

    *hugs*

    turiya

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  7. Hi mouse,
    My Dom is still out of work (18 months now) and is taking control of more and more around the house. I understand that this level of control is related to his loss of power at work and I try really hard to accept that. But (you knew that "but" was coming, didn't you?) there are a few areas that really worked more smoothly the way they were set up before. It would be easier for us both in terms of convenience or time to return to the way it was before. I have tried joking a bit about it and he laughs but nothing changes.

    What would you do mouse? Could Omega relate to my Dom's situation and have advice for me?

    Thank you,
    Donna

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  8. Donna...it's funny you would bring that up! Recently the gardener bill came in the mail, due to the economy they are raising the rate starting next month. Master quickly jotted down a note to cancel the service. Politely mouse reminded him the reason we have the service in the first place. No one wants to spend a day, mowing weeding, trimming, etc., we, as a family would rather do things we all enjoy. Also, we live in a rainy climate, which just hinders the process.

    Now, mouse only suggested that Master take these things under consideration before he renders a final verdict. A few days later, Omega signed off on paying the bill.

    Omega approved the comment, so perhaps he will have something different to add.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  9. turiya.....ya...the feminist that lives inside all women must scream every once in while, regardless of how deeply we try to bury her!

    Good luck with all that!
    Hugs,
    mouse

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  10. Dear mouse,

    I came back this morning to read through your Rituals and Focus Items and found these: only in complete submission to Master shall mouse realize the depth of the love she has for him. And this: you will be honest with me about everything. Those two thoughts along with your example of the gardener's bill, answer my question beautifully.

    Hugs to you mouse, and thanks.
    Donna

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  11. Have just seen this post mouse, and it makes so much sense to me at the moment...thank you.
    HSxx

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