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Thursday, March 3, 2011


Good morning,

Not long ago during an intense scene in the basement mouse was whipped and marked for her Master's pleasure.  Quickly she drifted to subspace even before he chose which implement to use first on his mouse.   We were busy a lot but mouse is honestly fuzzy on the details, but after her subdrop that time was difficult.  It seems the higher, mouse soars through subspace the harder the drop is afterward.  Sometimes its like floating down to earth gently, with no or little problems (like a parachute opened) while other times it's more like falling straight off a cliff.  The landing is hard.  There used to be a lot of tears and confusion, not too much of that anymore.  But now it's more like being stretched on a thin strand.  Getting too far out will cause the strand to break.  It causes mouse to break too.

Omega said that subdrop is like a mild form of shock; during an intense scene the brain releases all sorts of chemicals and when it's over those chemicals stop...The problem is during prolonged play, the body becomes used to those and different chemicals take over.  During the first stage of it, normally shortly after the scene this can lead to chills, exhaustion, some even have mild fevers.  He said in rare cases he's seen subs become hysterical and even suicidal.  

During the second stage mouse stays close to Omega because he's her anchor and will skip all activities that don't include him.  He understands it.  It's weird because she can't be far away from him.  A look from Omega can send mouse into a fit of apologies and tears.  He tries to keep her light, maintain her focus on him and then mouse is comfortable.  The empowerment she feels is incredible as though she can do anything.  That's actually part of the problem, during that time mouse doesn't realize her limitations.  Of course, she knows that she can't jump off a building and fly through the sky.  But even with more mundane tasks like driving becomes a challenge.

Ever drive the same route daily?  Most days you're driving and aware of what you're doing, but there are a few where you arrive at your destination and don't remember driving it at all, we called it autopilot.  It can be really unsettling, were you paying enough attention to the road?  Subdrop for mouse is like being stuck in autopilot.  Clearly there's enough focus to perform tasks, but she's stuck in this perpetual daydream mode that she can't snap out of.

Once, while going through subdrop and cutting vegetables, mouse sliced her finger pretty good.  It's not like she doesn't know how to use a knife.  It was that she was soooo distracted that she didn't realize how close her fingers were to the blade.  In fact she hadn't noticed until it started burning (mincing garlic will do that).  A strong wave of failure washed over her.  There was only so much garlic left, she'd ruined much of what there was (she'd gotten blood on it) and now her finger was bleeding profusely.  Tears streamed down her cheeks and mouse was a loss at what to do.

This is why Omega doesn't leave her alone during those times.  This is why he makes sure he stays close by.  Because like being intoxicated mouse doesn't have the judgement needed to deal with anything outside the routine.

Added to that the emotions that rumble just below the surface.  And yes, Omega fixed the finger and it's all better.


  1. sub drop certainly comes in many stages and I feel the same as you ... the higher the subspace the harder the drop is. Daddy is there to catch me too but the emotions are sometimes so strong in sub drop that it is hard to maintain even the smallest change!

    Lil' Heaven

    p.s. glad your finger is okay :o)

  2. I'm going to ask W to read this mouse. It's a wonderful description. I don't crash that bad , yet, but I can see it as a possibility for the future.


  3. Subdrop scares me because it tends to make me feel like I did during my "depression year". That year was one of the most difficult of my life. It was right after my friend was murdered and I had a hard time grasping any point in going on. I was pretty much on autopilot day after day, just doing what had to be done. When I go into subdrop and I feel that way again... in my mind I start thinking "OMG... I can't do this again" and I sorta panic.

    I just keep thinking there's gotta be something we can do or maybe even take to make the drop a bit less dramatic.... hell maybe even just some good dark (or semi-sweet) chocolate might do the trick. Might not fix it completely, but maybe it would take the edge off. I might suggest that to Asha for next time (whenever that may be... heh).



  4. Lil' Heaven...Yep, anything out of the ordinary because HUGE....

    littlemonkey...It just depends on the intensity of the moment...or period of time. Aftercare is really important and doing what works for you...which is a lot of trial and error.

    turiya...there's nothing mouse has found or learned to make the drop better. Eating a little protein doesn't hurt, sleeping, etc., avoiding carbohydrates, alcohol because they can chemically intensify the emotions. But they don't really improve subdrop and you have to remember that it's a temporary thing that's not because of any trauma.

    Subdrop might feel like being in a car accident but it's not anything like actually being involved in one.


  5. Hey mouse, I thought that this was a very good clear simple description of sub drop, yet it described perfectly the emotional senses that emerge, particularity a sense of loss and a need to be close.
    You are very lucky to have an owner who understand you and your needs so very well. Glad you still have all your fingers.

  6. Oh autopilot...
    I've been going through it since my son's dad left us and it has helped having Master around, but due to the time of the year he's extremely busy and I've started to autopilot again. It's the hardest thing I think I've ever been through because I don't have an anchor anymore who can help me through as Omega does to you.


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