Sanctuary

Even when you talk every day sometimes you discover, to your eternal dismay, you've been discussing the wrong things.  You discuss carefully your feelings but gloss over the real important ones.  Until one day they face you and take your breath away.

In that moment you flounder, gasping and trying to pull out of your head the words you wish to convey.  Numbly you might nod, not in agreement but in that your fears have come to life.   The things you couldn't say before suddenly need to be said.  Strangled by the intense needs to speak, yet you feel mute by it.

The mental dilemma continues as your mind whirls with the new revelation.  The fear was allowed to get inside the safe place.  The sanctuary that was so carefully constructed is suddenly threatened by a fear so insurmountable that it leaves you shuddering.  The wicked bitch of fear planted a seed, which in turn somehow sprouted despite lacking proper nourishment, it began to flourish -- growing and invasive, destroying the sanctuary.  The fear grows over everything with its thorny vines, until the sanctuary is filled and all the good is being choked until it withers.

As you continue to process unaware still of fear's overgrown rage against your peace, you somehow pick the right words to speak and say them with such great conviction that it startles yourself.  Fear starts to immediately recede, pulling back into the seed just before vanishing back into the blackness.  The sun is allowed back into the sanctuary and you find yourself struck at the wonder of it all.  The relief you never thought would come, that you never knew until moments before you needed and yet does again and again renewing itself.

Relief.

Peace.

Love.

The love you feel in that moment envelopes you and consumes you like a raging fire but without intent to destroy but to regrow into something different and beautiful.  Now that takes your breath away and leaves you just feeling Thankful.