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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Window to the soul

Good morning,

During an intense scene with Omega, mouse often has this feeling like we are the only two people in the world.  But really it's more than that, it's tunnel vision, where all mouse can see is Omega's face.  Specifically his eyes.  Normally, mouse is encouraged to keep her eyes lowered, not in a surreal Story of O, sort of way, but just lowered respectively, submissively; demure.  When the eyes are lifted it means a question is on her lips, just waiting for the word from to him to allow it to tumble out.

During a scene, unless blindfolded for effect, mouse's eyes are fixed on him.  He commands attention as he does that thing he does so well.  Everything she feels is transmitted to him through her eyes to his own.  The vulnerability, the fear, the awakening lust are all duly noted.  He slows, stops, starts, increases or decreases according to the silent message he receives.  It's not what you might be thinking tho.  If mouse thinking more please, he's stopping it and moving forward to something.  He enjoys tormenting.  Sometimes when she screams and closes her eyes tight, when she opens them, he's smiling.  A sinister cockeyed smile that sends her over the edge.

Our focus remains on each other.  The giving and receiving of pain and pleasure.  He dictates the direction it all takes, he will push the limits he believes lay somewhere nearby.  It heightens the experience for us both.  The power flows freely between us.  Even after the scene is over and when mouse is reduced once again to a puddle of goo.

It's true enough that we go often, lengthy periods between scenes and even really heavy play.  Still mouse maintains that level of focus, even when he's not around.

The rules we have play a huge part in that.  Having guidelines for nearly every conceivable time helps a great deal with maintaining focus.  But most people just do that without really thinking about it.  If your SO comments they like a certain scent on you, if you want to be pleasing, you wear it more often.  If they say they want you to dress a certain, or not at all, you oblige.  Its about their wants.  O has many of those kinds of things written into mouse's rules.  So, they become part of who she is.   During mundane tasks the focus can be harder to maintain.  Really scrubbing toilets and thinking about Master???  No.  Other thoughts start to creep in, a song on the radio so mouse uses it to an advantage.  When she's having a hard time maintaining a focus on Omega, she'll put some music on only he'd listen to.  Yes, mouse will clean to Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin...Thelonious Monk or John Coltrane.  If she's feeling really disconnected she might try Miles Davis.

Often she will wear something of his also if she's feeling disconnected from him but that really only happens when he travels.  After she finishes a task she will normally text him, telling him that she completed something and that she loves him.  Sometimes he'll reply, but oftentimes not.  It's not all that uncommon during the day that she will send him a bunch of text messages and he'll only answer one or two, but he assures her that he doesn't mind.


  1. Wow... I have such a hard time keeping my eyes on Asha at any point when we're being intimate... especially when there is pain involved. I just tend to close my eyes. He's been trying to get me to keep them open and watch him more in the last few weeks, but it's just so hard. I know why I'm like that... but it doesn't make it any easier.

    I'm really starting to realize how very disconnected I was... so we're implementing new ways now to keep me focused on and connected with him throughout the day. It's such an important thing in TTWD though... I just didn't realize before, you know?



  2. This another lovely and thoughtful post, mouse, but one thing struck me, and being the curious creature I am I wonder...The good edge, or a not good edge (your perspective not his)?

    "A sinister cockeyed smile that sends her over the edge."


  3. I needed to read this, i have been feeling bad because i lose focus, and wonder why. It is good to hear i am not the only one and ways that you deal with it. Thank you. abby

  4. Yes my Daddy/Master says the same thing. Eyes are the windows to the soul.
    It's a wonderful post Mouse.


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