Greetings from mouse,
Yes, it's the weekend and normally mouse doesn't post on weekends. At first, mouse was going to put this into the private blog, however she decided not to. It seems her personal thoughts were actually organized enough for this to be "up for public consumption," at least that's what Omega would say.
Recently, there was a formspring question that gave mouse serious pause. It came from a sister in slavery, slave Isabelle, you can find her blog here.
Her question was simple: How do I become the perfect slave?
Now mouse suspects that Isabelle herself didn't write this, as she is a highly experienced slave herself, and thinks it was a question she threw out there or was passed onto her; but still the overall question made mouse scream...how the fuck do i know?! At least mentally...
How does someone become the perfect Dom?
How can someone become the perfect chef?
Is there even such a thing as perfect?
Does it mean the slave does everything perfect or does it mean she just never struggles?
It's true Daddy has always said that mouse will become his perfection. He's said it from the beginning. But that's his idea of perfection, and while it may appeal to some, it certainly won't appeal to all...
So how does one achieve perfection? Guess the most simple answer is that it's up to the person judging, because we are inherently imperfect creatures.
Now all this in a very odd segue (thank you so much Daddy, mouse would NEVER had guessed it was spelled that way), came back to mouse while reading lil's post recently, here, where she feels is slow to learn.
We all go through that times. For example, since we've been together Daddy will often wake during the night with a need. Now, now mouse wouldn't know if some nights, he would quietly take care of it himself (for lack of a better term -- if you catch mouses's drift), but what she does know is all too frequently, he would wake her for use, as he should.
Now if mouse were sleeping with him in or close to her mouth, she would instantly be roused and pleasure him. Now those nights would happen when mouse was already feeling needy (after play, use or even punishment) with a strong desire to crawl inside him. So, mouse was already in the headspace to pleasure him that way.
The problem was with other nights, when mouse had an early meeting, or something going on, when he'd wake her, all she could think was....oooooh you've got to be kidding -- you want it NOW?! It's 3:30 AM! Of course, by our dynamic mouse has no right whatsoever to ever refuse Daddy's sexual advances...but it doesn't mean she has to always enjoy it. It's true that 9x out of 10 she does with no issue, but that one time, it would bug her to no end. And it seemed, since Daddy loves patterns of behavior, to follow when mouse was feeling amorous herself and practically begging for use earlier in the evening -- only to be rejected, because he was busy, had work to finish, or whatever.
It took forever for mouse to bring it up, and of course she picked the wrong moment to bring it up...while it was happening. For whatever reason that mouse can't recall now, mouse just abjectly refused to cooperate. Daddy was enraged by this and mouse was reminded that the choice wasn't hers. Now it needs to be said that Daddy is waaaaaaaay to much of a gentleman to commit outright rape. He also loves mouse far too much to really take from her, when it's completely clear she's not going to give. He was angry though. He left his bed, and slept alone in the guest room.
Of course mouse was devastated by her behavior in all this. Not his! He did NOTHING wrong. This was entirely on mouse. The next several days were mighty frosty around here, mostly with mouse being forced out of his bed completely and made to sleep on the floor. He did use mouse sexually, but only on his terms and to be honest, mouse was grateful to just be touched by him. In our private blog, mouse wrote pages and pages about how horrible she felt about the whole thing.
When finally she touched on the fact that she loved his control, but on her terms at times. Which is probably akin to topping from the bottom. Because she was basically, in the most simplest terms, telling him to do it this way. We finally talked about it and mouse was punished. Never again would mouse refuse, and he promised to be more aware of mouse's feelings or schedules, so that we didn't put both of us into a positions where we had to dig in our heels.
It doesn't always work out -- sometimes he just wants to screw and doesn't really care when -- but mouse accepts that now, at least better. It doesn't mean that she doesn't become frustrated a bit by it, but has more or less resolved that this is completely out of her control and only up to him. Now all this happened probably somewhere in 2010...
Today we're faced with completely different challenges that are really perplexing...
Which kinda goes back to Isabelle's question about being the perfect slave....