Greetings from mouse,
Yesterday Daddy was unloading a little about his day, as mouse listened she rubbed his shoulders...so tense. It must be hard on him at times, being so responsible. Maybe it's that quiet dependability that he has...the almost stoic demeanor. Here mouse has been rambling about herself, causing Daddy concern, when he has real problems, most of them he never mentions, because mouse can't help and he doesn't want her to worry.
Yesterday Daddy was unloading a little about his day, as mouse listened she rubbed his shoulders...so tense. It must be hard on him at times, being so responsible. Maybe it's that quiet dependability that he has...the almost stoic demeanor. Here mouse has been rambling about herself, causing Daddy concern, when he has real problems, most of them he never mentions, because mouse can't help and he doesn't want her to worry.
Sometimes mouse wishes there was something she could do to help him -- something more than the usual stuff..fire lit, having his drink...offering her body (smiles). Not that mouse minds those things, it's just mouse wishes she could be more helpful. Yes, he needs to know about mouse's fears, worries etc., but how much of his energy should be spent fixing those fears?
Recently, an aqaintence was complaining to mouse via chat about how her Dominant won't do certain things to her. This submissive has a lengthy list of desires and she feels unfulfilled. The submissive in question wants structure (don't we all?).
After a few minutes mouse typed out a response, how much effort in your submissive dreams should he put in -- and then who is the submissive?
For several minutes mouse stared at what she wrote.
Lately, it seems that especially since the baby came, mouse has become increasingly interested in this idea of perfection that really exists only in her mind. At times, she has become increasingly frustrated with Daddy for not showing excitement over the goal. To, in short, help her become her own idea of perfection! Never mind what he wants or doesn't?
There's a lot of this that goes on with our often submissive mindset, we hear or read that so-and-so does this or that and we bring it to our Owners. Sometimes they'll agree, but it's also just as likely they don't really care at all. Maybe they're just contented with the way things are and why change it?
It seems that in a very indirect way mouse was trying to manage her own slavery or submission to Daddy. This wasn't something that could be played out in an afternoon scene or a sexy role play game. What mouse wanted would take a long time to achieve and exactly how much effort would be required of him to help?
Omega would simply pick up the Magic 8 Ball that sits on his desk, shake it and read: Outlook Hazy. Try again later. How often had mouse done this in the past? It's possible more than she's realized.
At the same time, it's also hard to have a desire for more and feel helpless at the same time. Control is a hard thing to understand and even harder to relinquish.
******
On thin Ice by Roger Waters
The Thin Ice (Waters) 2:28
Momma loves her baby
And daddy loves you too.
And the sea may look warm to you babe
And the sky may look blue
But ooooh Baby
Ooooh baby blue
Oooooh babe.
If you should go skating
On the thin ice of modern life
Dragging behind you the silent reproach
Of a million tear-stained eyes
Don't be surprised when a crack in the ice
Appears under your feet.
You slip out of your depth and out of your mind
With your fear flowing out behind you
As you claw the thin ice.
The song lryic really reflects mouse's overall feelings.
8 comments:
I am so where you are right now...or was for the last week. Master reminded me yesterday, that although He is not perfect He is in charge, and I don't get to "adjust" what He expects. It is so hard when you want more control....and I guess accepting what He wants is more control? abby
I have wondered about this since day one of my journey into this world - this seemingly unnoticed contradiction that a lot of submissives voice.
I know I'm wired differently from a lot of sister subs, so I'd written off the disparity as being a flaw in my own understanding.
Is it too awful to say I'm glad to see you're just as confused by it as I am? ;-)
abby -- Yep...it is and it's frustrating at times for the submissive/slave.
Hugs,
mouse
Jz -- You're so right about that. That's why those words stuck out in mouse's head and on the blog (hehe). You're understanding isn't flawed. You just saw what they didn't and what's taken mouse a while to realize.
Hugs,
mouse
I'm also wired a bit differently - but I know I'm clearly the "taker" in my relationship. I struggled with that for a while, but now we both are comfortable in our roles, with the knowledge that he does the things he does for me - even though he enjoys himself an equal amount, he would have been fine without the kink.
He's a laid-back sort of dude.
My handing control to him is for me.
Yeah, that's a mind-twister.
I'm just glad he likes it. :)
It's so simple - and yet - so not. Plenty of people pointed out in the beginning that it probably is doomed to fail - the idea of trying to bring an idea to one's husband and change a longstanding relationship. And i see now why the skepticism. Every step was hard, bringing him ideas and information felt sooo wrong, but there was no other way. Maybe people would argue it hasn't worked, i don't know; i think we've finally moved past that stage. But, hard as i try, i still find my self subtly or directly trying to nudge or influence sometimes. BTW - i've had skating away in my head all day - thanks.
It's great when that thing you do works well!!
Hugs,
mouse
Don't think anyone could say your relationship hasn't worked. In fact it shows that the sub can do this, with the right partner. And yes, you've moved beyond that point. You've helped drive the bus to a point and then, you had to stop and just be content on being a passenger.
The nice part is that you get to enjoy the scenery instead of concentrating on the road ahead, other drivers, pot holes....
Omg...now you've got mouse thinking about that song! The kid's been cranking Pink Floyd here, so this line was On Thin Ice...Maybe she'll start including the song....or lyric...hmm...
Hugs,
mouse
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