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Friday, March 23, 2012

Piano Man

Greetings from mouse,

It seems mouse is racking up points this week.   O is and was annoyed with mouse admitting that she did hit her head when she fell on the ice earlier this week.  To avoid further argument mouse offered an apology.  Ok, he was pissed...really...if mouse had to run to him and explain any time she whacked her head on something...but then in reply to the apology, he made a point and mouse was sad because he was so right.  He wrote:

Mouse,

I am again perplexed by your choice of words, are you implying that you omitted facts, rather than outright lying when you gazed into my eyes?

My concern is wholly born of love and the desire to keep you safe.  Too oft you are negligent of the consequence of your actions.  Regrettably, my words have failed to manifest the deeper issue; the trust we share is rendered impotent by omission or false truths. Mouse, please do not attempt further insult by mitigating the circumstance.

We will continue this discussion tonight. I plan on stopping at the new house to check up on the progress.

Omega

Ouch!  That verbal slap reverberated back to mouse as tho, he were standing in front of her, scowling dreadful.

Omega was ever clear in his point.  But more crap was ready to rain down on mouse..

The back story...

When we told O's mom about buying a new home she offered to gift us her piano and mouse was thrilled and honestly secretly hoped she would give it to us.  Omega was less than thrilled, saying it needed tuning and work done.  Honestly, mouse was a bit shocked that he wasn't more thrilled to have his childhood piano in his home, so that baby girl might one day learn to play it.  

Come on...we all know that mouse LOVES music!  Omega can play piano very well...although he doesn't think so.  His mom and mouse have discussed it on a few occasions.  She insisted that her children learn to play and really pushed Omega into playing it even more so than the others,  mostly because he wasn't allowed to play sports (which at 9 was what he really wanted to do).  Omega would spend hours upon hours playing the same piece repeatedly trying to get it right.  Trying to be perfect.  

He's recalled his first recital, how terrified he was because he knew he wasn't good enough.  The applause he received to him, was polite.  His mother tells a different version of the same story, she beams with pride at how well he did and how difficult the piece was.  He was 7 and playing Beethoven.  He'll say it was only the first bits of Fur Elise.   He downplays it and really it drives mouse nuts.  

Back at home, mouse mentioned how nice it'll be to have the piano and he looks at her like she's got two heads!  He says simply that he doesn't know if we'll have room for it.  There will be room mouse doesn't think but knows,  she'll make room for it!  But will he encourage his child to play?  Or will he be impassive?

Now, unbeknown to him, his mom completely dismissed her son and arranged piano movers to move it to our home and have serviced.

Meanwhile our quiet argument continued, with mouse trying to understand his point of view.  Together we were laying in bed and he was quietly listening to mouse's rambles.  Then he started and mouse saw it coming.  As a sexual addict he will often use sex as a weapon to end a discussion he finds uncomfortable.  For whatever reason, this discussion left him very disquieted and sullen.  It was not lost on mouse for him it's about perfection.  His need to anything to his level of excellence otherwise he becomes dismissive.  He gazed lovingly into mouse's eyes and it began.

His hand will trace her face, he will lean into a sultry kiss that he knows would melt mouse.  This behavior is not allowed!  He knows it, his therapist has spent hours explaining why it doesn't work.  Why it's so wrong to wield sex like a weapon.  How it makes mouse feel, how it makes him feel afterward.  It's strictly, what he would call rote behavior...something deep within his comfort zone that he can't readily control and doesn't even understand thoroughly why he does it.  Sure, he'll start by saying he doesn't want to argue.  But what he's really saying that it's closed to discussion.

It's far more healthy for him to simply accept that in his eyes the matter is closed than to manipulate.  Now, this doesn't happen with every argument and most times he has no problem with using words (often causing mouse to reach for a dictionary). But it does happen when or if we discuss something that touches on his personal insecurities.

Fast forward to last night -- mouse's cell phone rings, saying he's at the new house and wants to know why the piano is there.  He doesn't sound angry but more befuddled, yanno, because the matter was closed weeks ago...wasn't it?  At that moment mouse explains not-so-sweetly that the matter is indeed closed; he'll never be asked to look at it, let alone touch it.  It's simply a gift for the children from their grandmother!  That's all it will ever be.  Then mouse ends the call by saying she's going to bathe the baby and put her down.  He'll find a plate wrapped up in the fridge.

This shouldn't be a battle; this shouldn't be an issue at all.  It really should be a no-brainer to just accept the gift and move on!

It's also something mouse doesn't being resolved anytime soon.  Maybe he should pick up the saxophone again?

Song selection: Piano Man; Billy Joel

10 comments:

  1. Omega may have a very valid reason for preferring not to have a piano from his Mother.

    I'm not going to be popular with you or many of the other submissives (I expect) who comment, but I feel that your siding with his Mother on this is a very dangerous thing to do.

    Nothing undermines a man worse than that kind of thing, some find it emasculating to be dictated to by their Mother, and to have a wife become complicit in such an action compounds the difficulty.

    Before she died, we had terrible problems with my Mother trying to undermine our relationship, and whether it's intended to do so or not, Omega's Mom's actions in pressing upon Omega a piano he does not wish to have is a hard thing for any man to deal with, even harder for a dominant individual.

    You see when a Mother does that kind of thing, it reduces her son back into the role of a child. It's not a good place for a dominant to find themselves . . .

    I, for one, would not want to be Omega right now, as you've unknowingly put him in a very difficult position. Mom's don't always know best, and "because she said so" wouldn't suffice as a reason in my world.

    I get the impression that you'll have the means to purchase a piano for your child, and perhaps that's a better option than taking a loaded gift . . .

    I have great feelings of affection for you and Omega both, from reading your words here it's as if I know you both well. I only stick my neck out with these words because I think they are critically important to say . . .

    with love and respect,
    Michael & Serafina

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  2. Oooh so sorry to hear he has such a 'hang up' about the piano. Must really conjure up bad/sad memories from his youth. I only wish my mom had pushed me to practice more as a child then as an adult I could truly play proficiently! I can read notes, do scales, chords, and play a few simple songs...Fur Elise (always a recitial piece) and that's about it. I finally gave my childhood piano away because, truth be known, I was terrible at playing. Its a wonderful gift for your little girl...
    Joyce

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  3. Ouch! That was a big one. Is it safe at the new house with all the construction going on? I think it's wonderful that Omega's children will be able to learn the piano on the same one he did and it can be passed on to them when they move out. You are correct in that he doesn't have to play it, but he could start to teach the little one the love of the piano by playing it with her on his lap. She won't care if the piece he plays is perfect or not. She'll just care that she is in her Daddy's arms and that he is sharing an important piece of himself with her.

    Hope he comes around to having it in your new home.

    hugs,
    heather1

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    Replies
    1. Actually that does conjure some ideas for new memories.

      Thank you.

      Omega

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  4. Dear mouse,

    You know I think the world of you...but I really do think a piano is too big of a weapon for you to wield. Thirty-three years of marriage to a Dom leads me to believe that this is a no-win situation for you, and the only question is how big of a situation you want to make it.

    Why not step back and let Omega and his mother settle this? His feelings about the piano are more related to his childhood than his adult life with the woman and family he loves so much...unless you change the focus by continuing to push the issue.

    About your head? Yep. Been there, done that, been spanked until my butt was bright red. Nothing makes a Dom feel any less secure than for their sub to be hurt. To be lied to on top of that is adding salt to the wound. And my guess is that you are really more angry at yourself than Omega.

    Have a cup of tea and be calm for a bit. I would invite you here and share a pot of tea with you if I could.

    With love,
    Donna

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  5. Perhaps and im just surmmising here its not about the piano per se its what it represents? perhaps he feels he has been 'played' by his mother and yourself and his decision over ridden....it sounds like or perhaps im interperting it wrongly that this is about much more than just a piano.

    best wishes
    tori

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  6. I have a few friends that were forced to learn piano as children and not a one will allow a piano in their homes. To them it is a reminder of a punishment--something they got through because they HAD to, not because they enjoyed it.

    Sorry mouse, I adore you, but I'm siding with the other comments here. Although Omega was not entirely forthright with his deeper feelings on the matter, he did make it plain that he was not interested in the piano.

    Sometimes moms don't realize they are manipulating their adult children and sometimes they do. I am not willing to speculate on your mother-in-laws intentions, but it's always better to side with your husband. Always.

    Accepting the piano against his wishes and lying about the head injury are both so out of character for you. Maybe you should rethink your reasons before you raise a battle flag.

    Just a thought,
    Hugs,
    Dannah

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  7. Dear Mouse,

    Darn it, Mouse, I had this whole comment written out but it was a bunch of therapeutic babble, so i've pitched it.

    I dont' know where you two are going with all this, but i have a lot of confidence you'll figure it out. If you ever want to chat ~ either of you ~ i'm around.

    Lots of warmth and positive energy for Omega today...and hugs for you.

    aisha

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  8. To all:

    At no time in the missive contained here, did mouse write that I said no to the piano gift. She did not go behind my back or conspire with my mother to go against my wishes. While I am not entirely comfortable with a gift of that magnitude, I certainly said nothing for mouse (or my mother) to infer I was completely against it.

    Yes for many years the piano was and remains a rather sore subject for me -- however that is something for me work through with my therapist. I did behave rather as a petulant teen rather than a grown man of nearly a half century on this planet. Mouse was also apt when wrote of me using sex as a weapon. While she was rather hot with me on the phone, I was rather terse with her the whole day.

    Now the head injury was a different situation.

    Be well,
    Omega

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  9. Hello mouse,
    Every relationship is full of misunderstandings and a wealth of history. The piano obviously means a great deal and brings forth emotion for both you mouse and Omega. It really sounds as though there was a lapse in communication when discussing the piano and from Omega's final comment I believe things have been discussed.

    mouse I felt your perspective and related to it and I am delighted to hear you have a piano for your children to play on. I wanted to learn piano as a child but we could not afford the lessons so yes I am a little biased.

    Happy playing!
    ~a

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