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Saturday, March 24, 2012

Time Apart

By Omega

There are times in every relationship when a break is needed. Saturday (today) mouse wrote down some thoughts in this space. Then, for whatever reason decided to edit the thoughts and eventually deleted them all together.

When I questioned her as to why she seemed concerned, as was evidenced through her body language, at the very end of her missive, she admitted something that gave her pause. Her internal conflict was that she is rather relieved I will be absent for a few days. Naturally, she remained mixed about such a strong affirmation. What seemed to disturb mouse was more of 'what would the neighbors think,' neighbors here referring to her readership.

In my best Rex Harrison/Professor Higgins voice I declared, blast what people think!

She did not smile.

Individually we are registering some strain. I was knocked, figuratively, off balance by her omission of injury. I believe my point was made in the comment section.

Notwithstanding the broad assertion that all 'good' slaves and submissives should fall to peices when their Dominant counterpart is out of reach. I firmly believe it is easier on mouse than on myself; prone to worry whilst away with limited contact. I would be disingenuous not to admit at times I have become rather frantic with concern. Recent events have solidified the fear, even to the degree I contemplated postponing the trip.

A prorogation of the trip is out of the question, instead I have faith this short time part will be agreeable for her. Just as I understand it will be difficult for me.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
-- Carl Jung

24 comments:

  1. This "neighbor" thinks you two are pretty normal for a couple that has been through some life changing events (baby, house).

    Hugs!
    Dannah

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    Replies
    1. Dannah,

      Very true and I believe mouse has handled everything with great grace under pressure.

      Serve well,
      Omega

      Delete
  2. I can understand what mouse means by what people think and no it doesnt matter but yeah actually sometimes it does in *that* moment when you do wander what people actually think.

    I agree with Dannah you have been through life changing events and i did get to read the post before mouse removed it and by her own admission there has been a lot going on and sometimes it just gets to breaking point.

    Hope mouse is ok and for whats its worth i think she gives a realistic insight into this ttwd (not keen on that term personally), the highs and the lows.

    best wishes to both
    tori

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    1. tori,

      Whist I will not proclaim outright directive that mouse share her further thoughts on this topic, I certainly pray she will. I too read the missive and nothing untoward.

      I assure mouse is much better now.

      Serve well,
      Omega

      Delete
  3. *hugs* for both of you...

    Praying for you both.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

      Serve well,
      Omega

      Delete
  4. This neighbor is in awe of all you have come through and continue to handle so very well.

    And, btw, Bill and I find that phone sex can be quite wonderful when we have to be apart.

    Love,
    Donna

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    Replies
    1. Donna,

      I chuckled at the phone sex reference, as that can be most rewarding ;-)

      Serve well,
      Omega

      Delete
  5. I am new to your blog and am not sure of all your history but from reading back a bit my first thought was maybe Mouse is suffering from postpartum depression? I am not a Doctor nor have suffered from this myself, but for some reason reading her messages triggered this thought. I do wish you both the best. It is evident that you love each other very much.

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    1. I love my more than nearly anything else in the world. I would surely do anything within my power to see that she feels that each day. Regardless if I am present or away.

      Omega

      Delete
  6. You know - I can understand the "what would the neighbors think" nervousness - particularly since the readership the previous day had sounded off quite loudly with some criticism

    and

    while those of us who have very little time with our partners might be shocked at the idea of wishing for a bit of time apart.

    being 24/7 must be stressful on both sides.
    and a wee break might be occasionally nice

    I think you both will come back together refreshed and renewed.

    sfp

    PS -- but it's also none of this neighbor's freakin' business.

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  7. sfp,

    I appreciate your comment and agree with your assessment. As mouse's friend it pleases me that you understand as well.

    Serve well,
    Omega

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Omega.

      I can't tell you how much her friendship has helped me of late.
      I hope to always be as good a friend to mouse.

      sfp

      Delete
  8. My mind immediately went to "Hard to say I'm sorry" by Chicago. So many times I've been there, living those lyrics. The "neighbors" realize you're only human and are going to make mistakes just like the rest of us. :) Take care.

    Tonya

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    1. Tonya,

      Very true, we are very human creatures and subject to all the failings as such.

      Serve well,
      Omega

      Delete
  9. What spf said triggered some of my own thoughts. I too am in a long distance relationship, as you know, Omega. But I too wish for time off now and then.

    I ask Padrone for permission to take a break from responsibilities, from obligations, from....duty....

    He doesn't understand very well but I just get so tired of ... yes, of expressing my submission. It's hard to explain, and I never have been able to do so in a way that Padrone understands fully. The best I can think of is to say that I need to recharge my emotional batteries. The only times this has reached the point of me asking permission to take a break, have been when I have been pulled in 1000 directions by seemingly everyone around me *needing* something only *I* seem to be able to give.

    It's a huge responsibility, a massive burden, and for me it can be so emotionally draining that a meltdown is inevitable. Btw, Padrone doesn't always grant permission for me to take a break, because when I let him know that I am at that point, he worries and he needs more contact and more openness from me, which is counterproductive for my emotional needs. It is almost as if, since he knows how much I typically thrive on my submission to him, he instinctively uses submission to try to help me pull out of that emotional pit. That never works well, but we somehow muddle through those times and I regain my balance gradually.

    I may be totally wrong about this, but....maybe mouse just feels that need to recharge. It will be incredibly difficult with the baby, the older son, the new house, as well as serving you, Omega, and maybe....just maybe....the only thing she feels that she can take a break from *is* serving you. (I have always justified it with ...my kids are kids...I have to work to eat....I'm paying a ton of money for school....Padrone is a grown man who should be able to understand that if I don't refill my own emotional reserves, I can't continue to give to anyone, not even him, without breaking down completely. He doesn't understand it, but...he understands that I do have a need for distance, to focus on myself alone for a little while. No idea if mouse feels that way or not of course.)

    I am hushing now. I did not read the missive that was deleted, and am only reading between lines here. If I am totally off the mark, please feel free to delete this comment without even posting it - lol. Maybe I should have tried to email...oh well. I care about you two, from what is shared here. You are both some of the "good guys" in my book.

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    1. schivava,

      You touched on much in a personal way. There is this unwritten rule that when the slave/submissive becomes overwhelmed they require "more" however, as you put, it rarely works the way you feel it should. I have made that mistake numerous times, and not simply with mouse but with others before her.

      We will often revert to our personal comfort level. Insecurities take over and yes, Dominants too have moments of doubt. As you said we muddle through.

      I do not begrudge mouse the need from a break. I thoroughly understand the need for to require a break from me, as I am the first to admit that I am not easy to live with all the time. You are quite correct that all relationships require a little time off.

      Personally, being the man I am, I miss mouse while I am away from her. I will distract myself with the dull meetings and Crap tables. It is hard to relinquish control when you are very used to having it. For mouse to admit that she was looking forward to me going away was very hard for her to do.

      Mouse obsessed about what "the neighbors would think" that she was breaking the unwritten slave codicil. What would people think if she admitted that she needed time away from me?

      I understand the reason, why she feels overwhelmed. Most of all why I add pressure to her. I believe also, the other day, well-meaning neighbors came down a little hard on mouse over something she did not say in the journal. I believe that moment she found herself in a quandary -- is she writing for herself, or for others?

      One thing I do not want, is for mouse to ever edit herself out of the fear of what her readership will think.

      Serve well,
      Omega

      Delete
    2. Oh yes, that is quite a dilemma. She has a much larger readership than I do or ever will, and many more people emotionally invested in her words than in mine. Therefore, they feel invested in your lives and possibly feel confident enough to voice comments and judgments. In a way that is a good thing, but it can be quite painful as well.

      It is so much easier for me to just type and not worry about what others say, because few people ever say anything on my blog anyway! But when we chatted publicly, I was obsessed with what others thought of me, and of us because my behavior reflected totally on Padrone....rightly or wrongly so.

      Mouse...I hope you can move past the judgments of others, and continue to type here as openly as you do. You type reality, not some fantasy "perfect world of BDSM". That means you make yourself vulnerable here, and that vulnerability is something I respect deeply because I know how difficult it is to do. That's why I have few friends but a ton of "acquaintances". Vulnerability is incredibly difficult for me personally.

      I do hope that you can find that "turtle shell" to wrap around yourself without hiding yourself totally in that shell when you feel so vulnerable.

      If I can do anything at all, even just be an "ear", please just let me know. Y'all are truly a couple that I am rooting for. *hugs*

      Delete
  10. Coming late to the comment party - pesky real life has been getting in my way. I missed the original post, but am impressed, as i often am, by your thoughtful solidity, Omega. Seems real normal to me to, the thought of enjoying a break, for whatever that's worth, and i agree with Sfp that it's none of our business for real anyhow.

    But i LOVE the Jung quote. So very true.

    aisha

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    1. aisha,

      So glad you enjoyed the quote. I feel he understood balance very well. Something I strive for in my personal and professional life and while it is often elusive, I press on.

      I am pleased mouse has friends who understand.

      Serve well,
      Omega

      Delete
  11. I read the deleted post...I didn't comment on it or the one before, because well sometimes it's best to keep one's mouth shut if you have nothing enlightening or constructive to add.

    But I do think that who we write for comes up occasionally--ourselves or our neighbors. I think it can be both as long as we remember that the point is being able to express ourselves freely. And sometimes we have to set aside what others will think when we do that. Though who am I to say? This blog was here long before I set up my little corner lol.

    As one of the "neighbors", while it's never comfortable watching someone go through difficult times, I appreciate seeing that we all have our struggles.
    I think mouse is the kind of slave where it's easy to read her words and think "geeze, I'm really falling short." We are all however, merely human.
    And sometimes it is good for the neighbors to be reminded of that.

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    1. I know I'm a little late to this party, but I just wanted to second what lil wrote here. Mouse's writings are very inspirational to me as a slave. As lil said - it's easy to feel like I'm falling short by comparison because I struggle so much personally. It is reassuring to realize that at the end of the day, we are all human. But I relate to wanting to hide some of what gets written in my own blog. The delete button is tempting, especially looking back on some of the earlier notes I've posted (I try not to read them/think about it). Even if I don't delete, I sometimes just avoid posting when things get difficult... I dunno. I guess I just wanted to express that I can relate to the "oh geez, the neighbors" response. I think many of us relate, even those of us who generally live like with a "screw what anyone else thinks" attitude.

      Additionally, loved the Carl Jung quote. Thank you for the note to us all, Omega.

      And to mouse - you really do inspire me! I have read you for a long time and hope to continue reading for a long time. :)

      Delete
  12. Very good things have been said already, all I want to add is to say that I smiled a little about Omegas reaction. My Owner is like that. She sometimes has to go away on business trips, and she really don't like it. I don't like it either, I miss her, but I think it's harder on her.

    Like mouse, I've somehow gotten the idea that it's "supposed" to be the other way around, that it's the submissive one who's supposed to be pining after the dominant one, and the fact that she worries more than I do means that we're odd and strange.

    Nice to know we're not the only ones with that particular interaction!

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  13. Hello Omega and mouse,
    I am aware that I am anything but a "perfect" slave. I have been told by many that I am not nearly submissive enough, that I have far too many opinions and that because I want to be heard and to have Master take my feelings into consideration that I am not a "true" submissive. Now, add to that list the fact that I do indeed take pleasure from those moments when Master has to work out of town or even work through a weekend, well heavens, I might as well turn in my slave badge.

    When I first acknowledged to myself my need to space I was greatly concerned about what the neighbours would think. Once I shared my feelings with Master though I no longer felt responsible for how others interpreted my submission.

    Being in a relationship is work. Being in a total power exchange, Master/slave relationship is even more work and sometimes, not often, but every now and then I want a break. I want to sit back and breathe and not have to concern myself with Master and all his desires. I receive great pleasure from serving Master and my love for him is constant. Sometimes though I want to regroup, I want to devote some attention on myself, on my friends, on my family all without worrying about whether or not I am giving Master proper attention.

    I think what I find most interesting is that like you Omega, Master seems to require less time on his own and when he is away he thinks of me even more, concerns himself with thoughts of me whereas I do not. Of course I think of Master, of course if he is gone for an extended period of time I do miss him; however, I find when he goes away for a week and gives me space to grow, when he returns I am a better person, a relaxed slave and an eager slut to please and serve.

    Every relationship is unique and no two people, no two relationships are the same. I know some couples who have never spent a night away. I know of couples who take vacations together and are never apart for more than an 8-10 hour work day. I, me and Master, we are not one of those couples. We flourish when we have time apart. I have enjoyed vacations with Master and I have enjoyed vacations without him. I appreciate time for myself and I am grateful Master allows for that space.

    It was not easy for me to ask Master for space. At first I felt like a failure as a slave because I wanted time off (so to speak). As time passed though I learned that having time just for me is not selfish nor does it make me less of a slave. I am still an individual. I still need to find time to love myself and nurture myself so that I have more to give, so that I continue to bring more to our relationship.

    A little me time goes a long, long way!

    All the best to you and mouse.
    ~a

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