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Friday, April 27, 2012

No Time to Wallow in the Mire

A good friend remarked recently how much more centered mouse is these days, despite all the chaos surrounding her. Gotta say that the remark made mouse smile because she does feel more relaxed or perhaps just at ease with her place in the world. Baby girl is just thriving and begun eating solid foods -- that's really an adventure, although breast milk still makes up most of her diet.

Omega is most distracted with work and trying to keep everyone in his life happy -- often probably feeling a bit defeated by it all. It leaves mouse wanting to do more for him, to lessen his burden. In the evenings now, more often than not, she's trying to keep the children quiet. Running such a tight ship isn't natural for her, but the baby thrives on routine, but really most kids do. But truthfully, mouse does it for Sir.

It helps him, so that he can help mouse. Being still is a big componate because he really needs the quiet. Classical music on the iPod. Keeping things calm. Sir appreciates it. And mouse is happy it pleases him.

When it's time for mouse to speak freely, at first, he admonished mouse for going easy on him, talking only of simple things. His tone was terse, but when she turned to look at his expression she instantly saw he wasn't. Sir, just wanted her honesty. Then he led her through questions until she opened up to him. When the valve was open, he simply listened.

Of course, mouse has no way of knowing if Sir is really listening, or simply using her voice as white-noise while he mentally balances his checkbook (yes a bit of joke -- but still...). And, it doesn't matter because this process has value to mouse. Incredible value that's not dismissed by either of us. It's nice that he's still taking the time with mouse to do all that. It's something that mouse greatly appreciates. And at the same time, it's something that makes mouse want to do more for him.


Song selection: Light My Fire; The Doors.

10 comments:

  1. Happy sigh... yeah. Isn't that just the way it's supposed to work? The more we do for each other, the more the love grows, and the more we want to do. Or - really - the love is in the doing isn't it?

    Lovely post.

    aisha

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    1. Aisha,

      It's totally true. It's like a current circulating...just keeps going...and it's nice.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  2. He hasn't set very many rules or rituals for me - but he does ask me to tell him something each night - something he should know, something honest, and important, that he didn't know before. I find this to be the most difficult of all the things i am asked to do, and the thing i miss the most when it isn't possible or is skipped. It has a huge impact. It is nice to hear about how it works for you.

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    1. gg

      It's been working fantastic for us. Really and truly if mouse knew how profoundly it would help us both...we might have started it a couple years ago...

      But we probably weren't ready for it then.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  3. lol.
    We often joke that when it's time for me to talk that H only hears "waa wa waa wa wa" like in the Charlie Brown cartoons. secretly I know H is listening as I'm sure Omega is too...maybe not 100% of the time but enough.

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    1. mg,

      Oh yes O does hear...but last night mouse said something and he whispered softly into her ear....please repeat that...the accounts are off by a penny and I got distracted.

      Nice to know he reads the blog too. ;-)

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  4. just want to say hi and give you some serious props! i happened upon your blog recently and it's been fascinating to read. i've laughed, cried (well... gotten really, really sad), blushed. i've read your most recent month of posts, and your very 1st month of posts, then random things in between.

    just the small amount i've read about your previous relationship is heartbreaking, appalling, mind boggling, and all those other really dramatic -ing- words. i know it took super human strength to come out the other side of that a sane, productive, functioning human being so if you need a little boost today i hope you can get it from me just saying wow on you!!

    i've been relating to your recent posts because i have a baby girl too, 2 months old. then last night i read the post where you revealed for the 1st time that you have an autistic son - so do i. he's 8 and a couple years ago school went so far downhill i homeschooled him for a year. it's still a constant struggle. i don't know if you've mentioned him recently but i hope he's doing great. again, just raising a baby and an autistic child - super human strength, so more props to you!(i also have a 3 year old. perhaps when i read a bit further into your blog i'm going to find out you have an alarmingly/frustratingly head-strong 3 year old girl as well.)

    all the best to you,

    Christie

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Christie and your very kind words. Since the main focus of the blog is about our relationship the kids are mostly mentioned in passing. That said the kiddo is doing very well and in middle school. The kiddo is high functioning but also very typical for kids on the spectrum with their struggles.

      Like everything in life autism has its good and bad points...

      Wishing you the best,
      Hugs,
      mouse

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  5. You sound very contented which i used to think when people said that they actually mean..boring! but i have come to realise contentment is a happy place..its a place where everything is just as should be and i can just be.

    best wishes
    tori x

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    Replies
    1. Lol tori...yanno mouse used to think similarly. But gotta say has totally learned to enjoyed the times of shear contentment --- because so often it's fleeting...

      Hugs,
      mouse

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