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Monday, April 30, 2012

Surrender to the waiting worlds


While Saturday was fine, mouse kept busy with the day, children and housework and we had dinner plans that evening, things went well. Yanno, Sir wasn't thrilled with the dinner plans of the evening he was a good sport about it all and naturally admitted later it wasn't so terrible.

Sunday, however was face-palm fail. Last week, Sir had very plainly explained just last week that he'd be busy and needed mouse to rather step up. This meant to him, not to allow mouse to become concerned about him being distant. While mouse did have early successes with understanding the expectations. We woke kinda late, ate quick breakfast, and that sort of things. And, mouse had intended on keeping the children out from underfoot, the plans somehow got dashed. The baby wasn't cooperating and mouse became frustrated, not with baby girl, but just with the situation -- overall.

While Sir did spend a bit of time with baby-girl, it wasn't enough time to be really useful, read: not allowing mouse to catch a break. The bitchiness just oozed out of mouse. Sir announced he would do some work in his study and handed Babygirl off to mouse.

After Babygirl had a nap and woke having returned to being agreeable, mouse carried her into the study. We sat on the sofa in there as Daddy worked. Now, mouse found it nice to be close to Sir and Babygirl all smiles and giggles...

Now Daddy truely enjoys babygirl's laughter. It's like music to us both, well normally. Having said that, Sir glared at us and his expression was a combination of anger and annoyance, with a bit of...shock. He was shocked, after he had explained that work was busy; he explained, he went to the study to work. Realizing the error, mouse was contrite in her heartfelt apology. There was no anger or sarcasm (a rarity), just deeply sorry.

Sir didn't seem to notice, just waved her off. Leaving mouse in the midst of this "oh dear," moment. Not accpeting her apology left mouse feeling instantly dismissed and somewhat bereft (ah, there's a good Omega word) of speech.

Now, it's interesting because we will often joke that the dog who loves to lick as a way of expressing emotions or thanks; when told not to do so, will actually try harder. Thinking he's not doing it right or good enough. Why on earth mouse decided to take the dog's lead is...well...silly. In the moment all she could think was he was angry and mouse needed to make it right or fix it.

So, mouse entered the study carrying a glass of ice-water for Sir. Then came in carrying some lunch. Still, later rather not-so-innocently asked if he had checked his blood sugar. Now in her Tiffany-twisted blond brain, all this made sense. Try harder to show how much he's loved. It's ok to face-palm, but foolish mouse hadn't seen it yet. Still, she lovingly pestered him. All mouse needed was his approval, but received his icy silence.

After a nice meal did nothing to change his mood, mouse felt completely defeated. He would never forgive her!

Later, after rituals, a faster-than-normal-fuck, mouse was snuggled, her legs entwined with his and was thinking what to say, or maybe how to say the hurt she felt.

Sir listened to mouse, then had her turn to face him (normally, we talk with Sir to mouse's back) and asked her since when did acceptance of an apology require a "kiss and cuddle," from the Dominant? Sir explained, mouse's apology was thoroughly accepted by him and required no further action. And all mouse's extra efforts, in his mind was chalked up to just being pleasing and legitimate concern for his needs. Looking into his eyes, mouse could see he was being honest.

Another lesson learned -- really don't sweat the small stuff. Had Sir been super pissed, he probably would have made it very clear instead. Odd, how mouse stumbled backward into something rather profound that spoke more about her fears than her willingness to please. While Sir will say it doesn't matter much how you arrive at the conclusion, so long as you do...Maybe mouse should just leave it at that and apply it.

Song selection: Moonlight Drive; The Doors

14 comments:

  1. Well in all fairness your intentions were well meaning and good, although it is said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions! (which im still not entirely sure what is meant by that).

    Its a bit like what you said when you posted about Omega being busy in the upcoming weeks "its like being told not to scratch something and suddenly you cant think of anything else"

    im going to shut up now because im a guilty culprit at misreading situations and making mountains out of molehills lol

    Hope this week is more easier.

    best wishes
    tori x

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    Replies
    1. tori,

      The week (at least so far) is a good deal better. You never have to "shut up" because mouse values what you have to say.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  2. I take issue with his inability/unwillingness to comfort you during the day to relieve your anxiety over your apology? While "All's well that ends well." He could have shown tenderness and made your day more pleasant with a few easy words.

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    1. ok so i know i said i was going to shut up but then i read this.

      Perhaps i have interpreted the blog differently but i dont see how it was potrayed that there was an inability/unwillingness to comfort when there was no outward sign that this was needed/wanted..perhaps because it wasnt?

      Apologies if im wrong as i said im guilty of misreading situations.

      tori

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    2. @ Advizor54 -- First, welcome to the blog! He really was very busy and didn't think mouse needed it. He just returned to working. And he did have much to get through.

      @tori -- no, you read it right. Honestly, mouse didn't tell him or ask him even if we were "ok" which also in retrospect she could have done...

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  3. After several years of marriage, I still tended to misread my hubby's silence when he was buried in work at home. After one bad misunderstanding on my part, he patiently explained, an interruption, however well meaning, breaks his concentration and causes him to lose the logic 'connections' he's designing (systems analysist/computers). So now I go about my business quietly, fix what he needs and wait until he emerges from the cave of deep thought and becomes human again. I even bite my tongue and wait until he begins a conversation before speaking. I also give him a good 30-40 minutes quiet no talk down time to 'unwind' from work when he comes home.

    So Omega's silence wasn't an indication of anger, it was just part of his working behavior. It seems when men are deeply mired in work, it takes a while for them to surface to the real world.

    Don't think they multi-task like women.... their brains are different...um might even say one-track.

    If Omega ignores you and is super quiet when he comes in from work....It is NOT YOU!!! Keep telling yourself its his WORK!

    Hang in there and have a better week.
    Joyce

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    Replies
    1. Joyce,

      Yes, that is the new mantra for this time. It's work not mouse...LOL. We do try to keep the house quiet (tho some evenings its nearly impossible -- but he gets that). That decompression time is soooo important for them.

      He can do 5 different work things at once but ya...he can't pick up a phone and text mouse...LOL

      It's all good tho...really we talked about it.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  4. I so do this all the time! Daddy and I don't always speak the same "language" and I convince myself that he hates me at least once a month.

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    Replies
    1. Oh, isn't that the truth?!

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  5. sometimes we go tumbling down head over heels after a bad assumption.
    but I'm glad you got back up again

    sfp

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, it's true. Talking about it later did help mouse tho....

      And also...maybe just maybe him not reading about it in the blog first helped as well.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  6. We do this too, all the time (which is rather silly, since we've been together seven years or so by now...). I really don't handle rejection, or even perceived, imagined rejection, well, and go all goeey inside when I think she's displeased with me. I so get you on the ice-water/lunch/blood sugar thing...

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    Replies
    1. Yep...it's how we compensate. We think they're upset (even tho there's not indication they are) and actually sweetly check in more often...

      One thing mouse is glad, the children kept her busy enough that she didn't become annoying to him...yanno? The hovering was done with purpose...

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  7. i can totally relate. I was chasing the "It's ok," just recently. i always feel like i've "grown" somehow when i can recognize that there was no need to do that, that he was already well over it.

    hugs,

    aisha

    ReplyDelete

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