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Sunday, March 31, 2013

Leap of Faith?

There are moments for mouse when she feels as though she's standing on the edge of a cliff.  A huge vast precipice and way down below mouse can clearly see Daddy, sitting on rock beside a different trail leading to....

Well, who knows where it leads; all mouse knows is that she has to get there.  Daddy, is in a place where the "cliffs" he sees aren't larger than a deep puddle.   They're to him something to be stepped over and maybe risking a wet ankle.  

But the same place for mouse feels immense -- hugely vast and deep like the grand canyon.  And she wants to be with him...but there's fear...always fear.  Will this be the thing that makes her completely different?  

No, in fact deep down she knows that -- it will be better or we'll turn around and head someplace else.  

Trust...faith...surrender...

These are religious themes...but they're also hugely related to TTWD.  

When mouse finally decides to take a step, the cliff invariably vanishes...sure the step is awkward -- with that weird thud, like when you think there's another step but really you've reached the floor.   Mentally mouse will think every time...wow that was waaaay easier.  

Depending how long he's been waiting, he might invite mouse to sit beside him or kneel at his feet for a while...or he might be standing and eager to get moving.  

These moments are just part of life -- they're part of life when you choose to share it with someone else.   It really doesn't matter if you're into the "lifestyle" or just living life.  

Over the weekend we had an incident involving Babygirl.  A mad dash to the ER followed by tests...the relief when we learned she was fine.  Yet, we found ourselves in a different place.  Sure there's a path but it's overgrown...like nature closing in on it.  Maybe it was once well used...but now....not so much.  Guess anyone that's hiked would understand that.  Perhaps the trail is just seasonal, a migratory trail for animals.  It doesn't matter it's a path.  

Daddy is very zen about all this.  He knows that someone had to be on that path before...otherwise it wouldn't be there.  

Together we walk....we might pause but we keep moving.  

Eventually we come to spot that looks vaguely familiar.  Daddy orders mouse to her knees and she sucks him willingly, engulfing and surrounding his cock with her mouth.  

And then in that moment when she swallows, everything is familiar.  The sights, the sounds, the scents of us fill the air.  

Daddy brings mouse to where ever he is.  

We've been meditating together recently.  It's more like an etherial resting -- we sit on the floor, and wrap our bodies around each other.  We hold that position.  It's comfortable, mouse leans on him and he on mouse -- like finding that center of gravity spot we all have.  Where your mind relaxes and you can just "be".  He's been edging mouse to that place for a while now.  Nudging her along...because, she wouldn't be mouse if she didn't try to resist.  Last night after an exhaustive time...we got there.  Finally.  

For a while it felt as though we were reading the same book but on different chapters...Then it felt like we were on the same chapter...Now...we're totally on the same page again.  

Ya...mouse is mixing metaphors.   Are we hiking or reading books?  

Yes. 

15 comments:

  1. My mouse,

    The mixing of metaphors aside, I love you. However, you neglect to mention the times you have waited for me. Let us make a more concerted effort to guide each other through the pratfalls of life.

    Unconditionally,
    Omega

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    Replies
    1. Yes Sir Daddy!

      Wasn't really thinking of the times that mouse waited...in fact, it always feels like she's making you wait. It's like you're always moving ahead...making sure the path is safe or something..dunno...

      And mouse doesn't want to be the one always feeling like she's lagging behind you...and she doesn't...at least not all the time...just maybe sometimes.

      Love you too.

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  2. Glad to hear all is well with babygirl. What a sweet comment from Omega. Sometimes we wait for one another, but with the understanding that wait is never too long and always shows us the way, even if it does not feel like it at first.

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    1. Yea, bg fell out of her crib while trying to climb into it! She's fine thank goodness but ya it was scary.

      Yes, you're right sometimes we have to wait but understanding the reasons...

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  3. It is rare to find two people as emotionally connected as the both of you.

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  4. No mixed metaphors sweety, you were reading a trail guide! I love reading about your connection. It makes me happy. I am also very glad Babygirl is ok.

    Hugs <3 k.

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    1. LMAO! That just tickled mouse. Maybe it is a trail guide! LOL

      The stuff with BG...Daddy keeps saying it's part of childhood. But when she vomited after falling...Ya..it was time to go to the ER.

      Deep down...kinda knew it would turn out ok. But ya never know...and now she's driving us crazy in her toddler bed...

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  5. Happy to hear babygirl is doing well, although im sure at the time it was a worry.

    The paragraph im focused on is

    "But the same place for mouse feels immense -- hugely vast and deep like the grand canyon. And she wants to be with him...but there's fear...always fear. Will this be the thing that makes her completely different?"

    I dont know (half musing to myself lol) why does fear always seem to have a place in ones emotions, or it certainly feels that way at times.

    But i found this quote and i loved it

    "Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear we may have is freedom" Anon

    x


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    1. Thanks Tori.

      Yea, letting go of fear is very freeing...it's interesting that mouse never thought about quite like that.

      It can certainly give you a bump and make you feel like (for a short time) all your worries are gone and you've fixed everything...but usually it's not that simple. Sometimes mouse has found that's a false sense...everything else tied to that fear is still there and needs to be dealt with but you've begun to conquer. If you're being honest with yourself.

      The big problem seems to be that there's also a sense of depression that settles in because you think..."Wait...that's over...." but it's really not. It can lead to blaming others for your own problems.

      Heady territory...

      Hugs,
      mouse


      Delete
  6. "Trust, faith, surrender," that's all they want, right?
    -sin

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    1. So it seems sin.....

      And it, mouse guesses, must be complete.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  7. I was mystified. A feet-in-long grass trail or a mental trail? Still don't know.

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    Replies
    1. It was a metaphor for a mental trail.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  8. Glad Babygirl is OK, With our first we put a futon in the landing zone because our she was a climber. We considered a sheet of plywood over the top with a cinder block on top, but that clashed with the decor so we got her a toddler bed.

    Omega's comment is true in that we wait for each other at times. My wife loves running the house, but wants me to lead in the big things, she says it's exhausting being the lead dog all the time. It's nice that you are finding ways to lead each other.

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