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Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Tearful Goodbyes and Red Bottoms

Daddy left a few days ago, and mouse broke down at the airport dropping him off. Don't know what happened, just became completely overwrought. Daddy debated actually driving mouse back and taking a later flight. Instead he waited until mouse calmed down. Then he probably paced and worried until she got back home. He said, no decreed, that mouse will never drive him to the airport again -- only pick him up.

At least he didn't miss his flight.

That morning he gave mouse an extra long spanking as he'd done the night before. What seemed odd at the time, despite it being a firm spanking there were no tears at all. Nothing. Maybe it was denial? Not wanting to admit it or something. Daddy understood and seemed to be waiting for the break down and said he was upset that he placed mouse in that position. He called several times to check on mouse after he got home.

The housekeeper he said had been there and left him some food. It's probably tough on him -- that's something mouse doesn't really think about. It's hard not to feel selfish and whine that mouse misses Daddy and feels completely miserable without him. The days are pretty easy -- night time is hard tho. Guess what's really hard is the fact that this place is too far away to drive just home.

There's this feeling of being trapped, but only at nightime really. During the day, taking walks, playing with the kids -- relaxing and enjoying the fun and making new friends. It's not bad at all -- despite Daddy not being here. Plus the family staying here, it's brought everyone closer together. There's a library in town got summer cards for the kids to check books out.

The evenings aren't awful, family dinners (where mouse doesn't have to cook everything) and lots of wine. If it's raining we play games or do puzzles. It's like this Norman Rockwell thing...a nice break. Plus there's all the seasons of The Sopranos to enjoy too.

Late night is hard -- bedtime and mornings too. Especially since we can't talk a lot on the phone.

Still with all these things, there's still a Daddy sized hole in mouse's heart.

Talking -- well whining makes it easier. It'll only be a few weeks -- and he'll be here on weekends and really it'll only be for a few more weeks. Wow...

In about 4 weeks we'll home doing all the pre-school running around.

Suddenly mouse feels stuck between this isn't long enough and it's too long.

But in the days leading up to his departure, Daddy gave mouse a necklace, a Mizpah coin that he asked her to wear for him. If you've never seen one they kinda resemble this. While mouse has no issue respecting his religious beliefs inside our home, this necklace gave mouse pause.

 

Daddy felt it was something we could both wear when we're apart from each other. Which is a lovely idea. But really mouse isn't sure about wearing religious jewelry. It's like a silent line that makes her uncomfortable to cross. Not to mention she doesn't see him wearing jewelry often, although he does wear a medical alert necklace saying he's diabeteic -- but that's a practical thing. He never takes it off. This he felt he could wear on that same chain. And that's a lovely idea. He really didn't expect mouse to balk at it at all.

Maybe it's just the separation anxiety it's causing her....

But for now she's obeying and will wear it, if only for him.

 

5 comments:

  1. ((((HUGS)))) to you mouse! I know it's got to be so hard being in that limbo so to speak. There's much of summer left to enjoy (during the daytime) and yet it's seeming somewhat bitter sweet. I can only imagine I wouldn't far well in the evenings either.

    I think the necklace is a sweet gesture, although I do understand what you mean by the silent line.

    I wish you well! The school craze will soon be upon us - and summer but a memory.

    -Emi

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  2. Aww mouse, im sure you will miss him, but enjoy the time you have with the children, friends and family, the weekends will come, but time will soon fly by and all too soon the holiday will be over...enjoy the time.

    I think its a nice gesture with the necklace, designed perhaps to bring you comfort in his abscence?

    x

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  3. i'm glad you have fun-filled days and i hope the nights pass quickly. The necklace was really nice. He does some very sensitive, sentimental things. Maybe you could think of it that way, because he is acknowledging you are whole together, yes?

    hugs,
    jade

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  4. I am so hopeless at saying goodbye to Daddy too! Even when he only has to go away for a few days I feel like a part of me is leaving and I cry my eyes out :) Hope the sharpness of longing lessens at little xx

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