Needing More

After spending some time Monday morning writing up the blog, a very long post that would stretch over a few days, mouse was feeling very contemplative. When she finished, mouse began doing her chores. Then when finished, the baby napping, mouse went into the study and sat at his feet. He had the day off and was busy working anyway. Had he taken the day off for mouse? To watch for signs of sub drop? There were so many questions inside her head, swirling around like a tornado. Him staying home or rather the reason for it, was at the bottom of it though.

If there was a question at the top of mouse's list, if he became Master, would he stop being Daddy? Why was there a need to call him that? Did mouse just need more from him now?

It's been this odd feeling burning lately, since earlier this year, like she was standing still or something was holding her back. Fear probably. Moving forward with something means going into unknown territory. There's a comfort in monotony. One day more or less follows the next. The lake provided a huge respite from routine, a couple months of different and it was completely different. No tv, no distractions.,..it was lovely.

When mouse returned home she kinda threw herself into all the back-to-school stuff. Ignoring the feelings is what mouse does best at times. But she couldn't hide it forever. It started coming out here in the blog especially when mouse expressed disappointment over our night out. Then rather suddenly when she gave him control over her down time...then wrote about how she felt she was failing all over the place...

Of course he said mouse was fine but asked what was going on lately. Couldn't really explain it, just this need, to go a bit deeper and see how it feels. But the thing stopping her from asking was him. Die he want more? This had to be mutual desire or it wouldn't last. Were we on the same page or different ones?

He listened carefully. He told mouse it didn't matter what she called him. As long as whatever it is, is what mouse feels him to be. Or needs. He told her it was perfectly fine to need more, to want delve a bit deeper. He had no qualms about it; .except he knew it would be hard for mouse. Change even good change like the kids is hard in the beginning, there's always a period of adjustment. If mouse is truly committed...

We talked about all the things we wanted. He's probably been on that page for a while and just waiting for mouse to catch up. Is it hard waiting? It seems like he's always waiting for mouse to catch up.

A small final note, on this Thursday morning, this post was actually written a little on Monday and Tuesday of this week.  There's been a lot of processing that's been going on in mouse's head lately.  And she knows there are comments she does need to reply to.  Promise to get to them soon...

One question by tori about maintenance spankings.  The whole weekend he didn't do them at all.  Monday they resumed.  Don't know though if they really helped.  They certainly didn't make mouse take his suggestions more seriously.  Like mouse said she's processing a lot right now...So it's difficult.  Master said things will eventually settle in mouse's head.  He's very confident (and that pisses mouse off just a tad).