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Sunday, October 13, 2013

Hope and Fear

Friday night Daddy came home looking just awful. He was just tired and asked for a cocktail with dinner. Then he had a couple more after. He just looked weary and mouse can't recall the last time he came home looking like that. After dinner mouse found him in the living room, in his chair, with the drink in his hand. He let mouse read a book she began recently.

The thought passed through mouse's mind, then turned around and sat on the floor beside his chair. It's too dark in that room to read anyway. He fell asleep holding the drink and woke when mouse took it away. He smiled at mouse. We skipped the meditation, he was exhausted. In bed, he talked a little about his train wreck of the day. Now, mouse's day had been no picnic, the baby was off., but as she listened to him -- her day was cake.

Saturday morning, he felt much better, we stayed in and played games with rhe kid's. Did a few other chores and had plenty of time to put up Halloween "dust catchers" as Daddy calls them. We ate the dinner mouse prepared the previous day. The evening was quiet.

Considering all the drama going on in mouse's head it was nice to just not worry...in fact it's been nice to maybe count on that mouse shouldn't worry. But worries are funny at times. They crop up when you least expect them to. Last night, Daddy said he wasn't feeling well and went to earlier than usual. Now, mouse wasn't worried in the least about it.

Then as she slept, she began to dream, well a nightmare that Daddy had died. His blood sugar fell too low and he slipped into a coma and later died, although mouse couldn't say how long, or how much time passed. What had mouse so distraught was the dream had incorporated, the clothing he'd laid out for mouse to wear today. The fact he hadn't put out a corset. The fact he didn't put his suit, tie and shirt out. All that was woven into the dream -- so as can well be imagined mouse woke with start. When his arms tightened around mouse, she struggled to turn to face him...to wake him. Which of course he did. Bleary-eyed, confused, he just looked at mouse. As mouse tried to explain...and just finally gave up and begged him just to check his blood sugar, he did without question or argument. He understood something had mouse rattled, and just wanted to calm her. His blood sugar was fine.

This morning while explaining the dream in a much more coherent way, she realized the reason he hadn't put his suit out was because...duh it's Sunday!

Which actually was a bit of relief.

16 comments:

  1. Oh mouse, I hate those dreams sooooo very much! I hope it's fading fast. They're the worst kind of nightmare.

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    Replies
    1. Yea it was hard...all day there was this feeling of just being off because of it.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  2. *blech*
    What lil says...

    I once dreamed that SP had died -- and had to wait until the next time he emailed to be sure he was OK -- which was, like, weeks.
    At least you could wake O up and make him go stab himself, just to be on the safe side...

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    Replies
    1. True! Can't imagine waiting weeks tho...You must have waaaay more patience than mouse. If Daddy hadn't been home...Really she might have booked a flight r just started driving...silly yes?

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  3. I don't know if those dreams are a manifestation of our dependence on our M but I have had several similar ones myself recently. Sorry you are going through it too. Thankfully...they are just dreams.

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    1. That's true they are...but yes Daddy feels the dreams are because she's dependent on him. He doesn't want mouse scared or worried (It could also be about the post last week about money), but at the same time, he also likes it.

      At least that's what mouse thinks.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  4. Hugs Sweety. I had those kind of dreams.

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  5. Oh crikey - I woke up this morning and yelled - it's 7.30, we're late up! only to be told it was sunday. I had been dreaming about the kids and school. Dreams trample into reality way too much some times.
    Hope your nightmare didn't hover in your mind for too long.

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    Replies
    1. They do!!!! Oh mouse hates that feeling too sometimes...

      All warm and snuggly in bed, thinking you don't have to get up, a moment of confusion when the alarm goes off...

      Then you remember it's a weekday (and probably not a Friday either -- lol)

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  6. Its horrid having those sort of dreams/nightmares where it really does seem real, even on waking there is still that fear for a short time until reality hits.

    x

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    1. That fear stuck with mouse for a long time. In fact, last night she was afraid a little to go to sleep. But it turned out ok.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  7. I hate those dreams. Glad he is OK.

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    1. Thanks joey and yes, he's fine...

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  8. Oh...downright awful to have those dreams with such powerful emotion play on our mind. Hope the rest of the day went well and glad all is well. *hugs*.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks and welcome again to our blog,

      Yes, the dream did stick with mouse a lot longer than they normally would...but then we had another long talk and mouse just brought him all the fears...

      He can't erase them all but he did succeed in making mouse feel a good deal better.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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