Hope and Fear

Friday night Daddy came home looking just awful. He was just tired and asked for a cocktail with dinner. Then he had a couple more after. He just looked weary and mouse can't recall the last time he came home looking like that. After dinner mouse found him in the living room, in his chair, with the drink in his hand. He let mouse read a book she began recently.

The thought passed through mouse's mind, then turned around and sat on the floor beside his chair. It's too dark in that room to read anyway. He fell asleep holding the drink and woke when mouse took it away. He smiled at mouse. We skipped the meditation, he was exhausted. In bed, he talked a little about his train wreck of the day. Now, mouse's day had been no picnic, the baby was off., but as she listened to him -- her day was cake.

Saturday morning, he felt much better, we stayed in and played games with rhe kid's. Did a few other chores and had plenty of time to put up Halloween "dust catchers" as Daddy calls them. We ate the dinner mouse prepared the previous day. The evening was quiet.

Considering all the drama going on in mouse's head it was nice to just not worry...in fact it's been nice to maybe count on that mouse shouldn't worry. But worries are funny at times. They crop up when you least expect them to. Last night, Daddy said he wasn't feeling well and went to earlier than usual. Now, mouse wasn't worried in the least about it.

Then as she slept, she began to dream, well a nightmare that Daddy had died. His blood sugar fell too low and he slipped into a coma and later died, although mouse couldn't say how long, or how much time passed. What had mouse so distraught was the dream had incorporated, the clothing he'd laid out for mouse to wear today. The fact he hadn't put out a corset. The fact he didn't put his suit, tie and shirt out. All that was woven into the dream -- so as can well be imagined mouse woke with start. When his arms tightened around mouse, she struggled to turn to face him...to wake him. Which of course he did. Bleary-eyed, confused, he just looked at mouse. As mouse tried to explain...and just finally gave up and begged him just to check his blood sugar, he did without question or argument. He understood something had mouse rattled, and just wanted to calm her. His blood sugar was fine.

This morning while explaining the dream in a much more coherent way, she realized the reason he hadn't put his suit out was because...duh it's Sunday!

Which actually was a bit of relief.