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Monday, October 21, 2013

Who are We?

Earlier last week (think it was Monday), Greengirl wrote a post about how her Master/Husband can be just as uncertain as she is at times. There has been many times in our relationship that Daddy was uncertain about the course of action to take where mouse was concerned.  Too much and she'd buckle under his control, fighting back wildly and too little and mouse would begin feeling unsettled or even annoyed with him.  

He's a competent Master.  He's been in the lifestyle for a long time, and he's owned other slaves before mouse.  Then things happened in his own life, and he chose to take a step backward from the lifestyle. And mouse had already taken that step backward a few years before that.  Having a messed up Dom, change everything you once were into something else you didn't understand or recognize is scary and mouse couldn't handle being in a Master/slave dynamic.  But she wasn't happy.  

It felt like she wasn't vanilla or a slave; misplaced or maybe even a partial person searching for something she didn't understand.   Omega was probably on a similar page -- not the exact one.  He'll admit he chose mouse and pursued her because he was a bit lazy -- she already knew about the lifestyle and we certainly had a connection.  He always said it was fate that brought us back together.  

Our first lunch date; lunch because dinner seemed too personal, he took mouse to a deli.  He ordered for her and something inside melted a little.  There were other guys along the way mouse had dated, but they were garden variety types, "Where you do you want to go?" and mouse never had an answer for it.  

What she wanted to say, when she admitted that she didn't know, was...anywhere it doesn't matter because...This will never work out.

When he asked mouse where she wanted to go to lunch and mouse gave her standard answer that she didn't know,  he did't take that bait.  He just decided for her. Part of this was obviously due to our complicated past that he felt he could get away with it.  But also in retrospect it might have been a bit of a test.   Would mouse balk at that or just acquiesce, because maybe she didn't want deli, but would she just go along with it?  At the deli, could he just order for her?  

The moment mouse said that she couldn't decide, he decided for her.  He's smooth that way.  It's not arrogance, but confidence.  Although he's said since then, he wasn't feeling very confident at that moment, but his confidence grew quickly.  

Since that time, which feels like a million years ago, we've both had times of total confusion what was the right course of action for us?  He knew what he'd do with other slave's he'd owned before.  Our dynamic was nothing like that.   As much as mouse hates to admit it, she's high maintenance.  

Still there's an ebb and flow to everything and no one is "on" all the time.  As mouse eases into her new expectations, well they're really old ones but more enforced now.  There's this calmness that she's never really felt before.  Like this time she's ready for it.  He's brought mouse along, slowly to maybe bring her to this point...

Or maybe not, maybe it's just coincidence that brought us here on the same page at this time.  Maybe he just saw the opportunity to carpe diem?  

There are times even now, where his tone can send shivers down mouse's spine.  It's a tone of disapproval or disfavor.   Sometimes it's anger...or she knows it is.  

When he punished her and made her clean the house properly,  it was a seizing of control.   Not at all certain he knew mouse was ready for it, but on some level hoped she was.   It's hard not to appreciate his confidence level,  even when mouse is completely unsure about it.  

7 comments:

  1. Oftentimes i think being confident can be misinterpreted as arrogance, but i think generally thats a perception made by people that find someone elses confidence uncomfortable.

    I loved this post because its not something one tends to touch on very often, that its not always smooth rolling for the dominant, perhaps because its this expectation we have for them to be totally on the ball all the time, we look to them to make and put things right?

    There have been many times the bossman has found it difficult, he went from all his adult life having no children around him, his previous D/s relationships (bar the first couple) have all been with experienced submissives, his home very tidy and well organised.......and he got me, 2 kids oh and a dog and the house was turned upside down overnight lol, huge adjustment for him.

    I chuckled at your "high maintence" comment, although dependent on how you look at it i dont think this is necessarily a bad thing, if i was seeking a dominant now having experienced all that i have with the bossman then i would consider myself high maintence..because i like strict control, a complete sense of being contained/owned...and to some dominants thats going to seem like too much hard work....but for some its what they need as well.....guess its simply compatibilty.

    x



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    1. Honestly mouse was probably the opposite of you and bossman because O came with kiddo.

      It's hard at times...to step into all that.

      The strict control...yes mouse totally understands that....

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  2. Hi mouse, I have a really hard time deciding where/ what I want to eat too. Unfortunately C gives me a hard time about it and doesn't usually help me make the decision. A couple of times, we drove back home without eating because I couldn't decide where to go. I'm glad that you found a match in Omega and he helps you with decisions. :) hugs

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    1. Ooooh mouse suffers horrible plate envy....You order something you think sounds good and get it and it's just blah...

      but then going passed your table is the MOST delicious looking thing....

      That's why he orders for mouse....

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  3. This was really nice to read.

    One of the things that has taken us a little bit of time to adjust to is that Mistress actually makes decisions rather slowly. I'm likely to know exactly what I want and when and where before she's made up her mind. Learning to shut up and wait (1) Shut up, 2) Listen, 3) Do as She says) was a bit of a struggle. She's not always confident, and she's not always fast or decisive or the first on the ball. She is, however, very often right and always right for me.

    Anyway, I thought I'd take the opportunity and tell you that that cleaning post... made me clean all our kitchen cupboards! I don't think Mistress would choose to make me clean for hours under her supervision, since she would probably do something else with that time if we had it, but I'm not entirely positive about that. And cleanliness and order is important to her, so I suddenly very vividly imagined me being in your shoes, and went cleaning... :-)

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    1. Learning to shut up and wait...It's never easy is it?

      Honestly mouse is used to making more or less knee-jerk decisions that probably half come out right....

      It might as well be a coin toss!

      Giving them the time to decide the course...ya it's hard but probably better than jumping without knowing the depth of the water.

      The cleaning post inspired someone else too and a vanilla friend of mouse's...Funny how that works out?

      As always thanks c!

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  4. I really enjoyed reading this post of yours. It is my humble opinion that sometimes people mistake our confidence for arrogance. But it is not necessarily the wrong thing. I'm glad you have help making decisions now.

    p.s. I now a thing of two about deciding where to eat, too!

    Hugs & kisses,
    A

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