Earlier last week (think it was Monday), Greengirl wrote a post about how her Master/Husband can be just as uncertain as she is at times. There has been many times in our relationship that Daddy was uncertain about the course of action to take where mouse was concerned. Too much and she'd buckle under his control, fighting back wildly and too little and mouse would begin feeling unsettled or even annoyed with him.
He's a competent Master. He's been in the lifestyle for a long time, and he's owned other slaves before mouse. Then things happened in his own life, and he chose to take a step backward from the lifestyle. And mouse had already taken that step backward a few years before that. Having a messed up Dom, change everything you once were into something else you didn't understand or recognize is scary and mouse couldn't handle being in a Master/slave dynamic. But she wasn't happy.
It felt like she wasn't vanilla or a slave; misplaced or maybe even a partial person searching for something she didn't understand. Omega was probably on a similar page -- not the exact one. He'll admit he chose mouse and pursued her because he was a bit lazy -- she already knew about the lifestyle and we certainly had a connection. He always said it was fate that brought us back together.
Our first lunch date; lunch because dinner seemed too personal, he took mouse to a deli. He ordered for her and something inside melted a little. There were other guys along the way mouse had dated, but they were garden variety types, "Where you do you want to go?" and mouse never had an answer for it.
What she wanted to say, when she admitted that she didn't know, was...anywhere it doesn't matter because...This will never work out.
When he asked mouse where she wanted to go to lunch and mouse gave her standard answer that she didn't know, he did't take that bait. He just decided for her. Part of this was obviously due to our complicated past that he felt he could get away with it. But also in retrospect it might have been a bit of a test. Would mouse balk at that or just acquiesce, because maybe she didn't want deli, but would she just go along with it? At the deli, could he just order for her?
The moment mouse said that she couldn't decide, he decided for her. He's smooth that way. It's not arrogance, but confidence. Although he's said since then, he wasn't feeling very confident at that moment, but his confidence grew quickly.
Since that time, which feels like a million years ago, we've both had times of total confusion what was the right course of action for us? He knew what he'd do with other slave's he'd owned before. Our dynamic was nothing like that. As much as mouse hates to admit it, she's high maintenance.
Still there's an ebb and flow to everything and no one is "on" all the time. As mouse eases into her new expectations, well they're really old ones but more enforced now. There's this calmness that she's never really felt before. Like this time she's ready for it. He's brought mouse along, slowly to maybe bring her to this point...
Or maybe not, maybe it's just coincidence that brought us here on the same page at this time. Maybe he just saw the opportunity to carpe diem?
There are times even now, where his tone can send shivers down mouse's spine. It's a tone of disapproval or disfavor. Sometimes it's anger...or she knows it is.
When he punished her and made her clean the house properly, it was a seizing of control. Not at all certain he knew mouse was ready for it, but on some level hoped she was. It's hard not to appreciate his confidence level, even when mouse is completely unsure about it.