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Sunday, November 24, 2013

Being slave Enough

Being a consensual (does it even need to be said) slave, isn't the easiest of roads. We focus, at least mouse does, on the character of the Master -- we tend to put them up to scrutiny at least when talking to newbies to the lifestyle. Let's be clear giving all the power to do everything is a huge responsibility. It's never something that should be entered into lightly. Ours, is a lifestyle not for the faint of heart, but one reserved for the strongest of people.  It's true, don't give your power to anyone unless you're 1000% certain they can handle it.  

We focus on Their leadership and the way They guide us, command us, discipline us, and often love us -- what we don't focus on is our own personal strength. We, the small "s" the slaves or submissives who give what we have. Now when mouse wires about this, she's speaking as woman owned by a man. Omega (Daddy) is her owner.

It's hard at times to just not say, "you're doing it wrong...just let me do it!" At times there is a lot of tongue biting.  It's true  

The truth is that it takes a very strong person to hand themselves over to another and stifle the desire to control where they can. Instead showing the courage, at times, to demure or even capitulate to Their authority. To let them drive around the parking lot searching for a parking place three spaces closer than one they passed. To companion them as they drive at times in circles because their internal GPS that usually keeps them going in the right direction, has somehow failed them. To trust that in the end, we'll get to where we're meant to go.

It takes someone strong to hold her tongue when they feel strongly They are in error, but still displaying the courage to speak up when it's really needed and accept the decision, right or wrong. The slave must be confident enough in themselves to know the difference. To actively seek out Their counsel and then understand, often innately, that what they were told wasn't what they wanted or expected to hear.

We must be strong enough to let them be men and they're comfortable enough in Their own skin, to let us be women. They admire our strength. They make demands of us, some seem more than we can handle. We aren't stupid, or weak but we have the courage to let Them control,  to lead us.  

So when someone writes that submission or TTWD, is about being abused or one must be a doormat, it rankles mouse as few other things can, because they miss the fact that it takes unbelievable strength to submit to a human and defer to them in all things. 

14 comments:

  1. It also depends so much on what perspective you have and why you're doing what you are doing. Some have an innate need to be submissive and to be dominated and mastered (for want of a better verb). Some find that their current way of working and relating isn't working so end up trying some kind of strain of TTWD. Some find they can't be any other way than be submissive. And so on.

    For example, I'm not a slave, I often wonder if what we're doing is actually D/s or actually in fact switchy kinky fun. But a LOT of what you describe here - biting your tongue, deferring, allowing others - Him, in this case - to do it it their way, to dictate it their way - is what I moved towards doing/being in the last few years. For me it was an uncomfortable discovery that rather than being organised and nurturing, as I thought, I could actually be perceived to be rather over controlling, and that was becoming a bit negative in nature. I also began to realise it came from a place of anxiety and doubts about myself and, to a certain extent, the security of our relationship.

    Once I realised all that, I looked round and realised that actually I wanted to be relaxed, easy going, loving, concerned with how He wanted to do things - in more of an equal shared partnership way than the classic M/s, but certainly I had to do a lot of personal internal surrendering and submission just to redress the balance!

    We're in a much better place now. He is happier with how I treat and behave towards me, and has embraced what I wanted to explore - and continues to. Whether or not we can truly say we have a 24/7 power exchange or are D/s or M/s or not, certainly we are part of TTWD (how I love that title, so handy! so all encompassing!) and I fail to see how something that it's mutually satisfying, that has enabled so much growth and development and that has us thriving together can be abusive.

    As has been said many times before, much more eloquently than I can, abuse is about tearing down and belittling, and harmfully. TTWD is about building up and supporting, accepting even the deepest darkest parts and allowing them out in as safe a way and as safe an environment as possible.

    Abuse would make me less than I am, it would wound me. TTWD makes me more me, it heals me. More than that - it makes me stronger/better/more altogether!

    Sorry, slightly off topic of your splendid point about having to be jolly strong to submit (and certainly to submit gracefully) xx

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  2. mouse,

    All of the submissives I know are strong people. None of them are doormats. In fact, the president of the local BDSM group who is a dynamic leader is a submissive.

    I have always considered you a very strong person. In fact, your inner strength inspires me.

    I have seen more abuse in vanilla relationships.

    Well said mouse.

    Happy Chanukah and Hugs,
    joey
    ,

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  3. We are always so caught up in labels. What you've described to.me is a "lady". A term used to described a woman who holds herself to a higher standard of behavior and decorum. Living in the south this behavior is easier to come by. These woman are strong in character an intelligence. In their own right they are quite capable but choose to allow their husband to be their strength, their leader, their guide through life. They are courteous (always discussing plans with their spouse) and caring ( placing the needs of others in high reguard). So you see I really do think it is all in the phrasing.

    Now as far as at home, I only hope they are getting the full benefits of ttwd.

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  4. Mouse, you are one of the strongest people I have ever met, err, I mean, read about! And I think Omega only makes you stronger still.

    :D

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  5. I completely agree that it does take a strong person to submit certainly to the depths of M/s dynamics because its not easy, it takes a lot from both the dominant and the submissive.

    For me personally what i found (and still do a little) difficult is not the physical aspects.....but the bossmans insistence on getting me to 'open up' on an emotional level, he is a firm believer that in order to own me completely he needs to 'know' me...all of me, which means opening up about the past, present and hopes/thoughts about the future....and im not a fan of in depth emotional conversations....much prefer to just keep it all in.

    I still stand by what i have said before in that when people do make judgements about submission, ttwd etc being abuse its generally a lack of knowledge and/or the ignorance of not wanting to understand....people tend to 'knock' what they cannot fathom!

    x

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  6. I applaud you for this mouse. It cannot be said often enough or clearly enough. Those who choose to live inside of power dynamics must be strong; must understand their own strength; must honor that strength; and must be resolved to use that strength in the service of the relationship. We cannot know where we will be taken in this endeavor. And so we trust and follow and remain strong.

    All the best,
    Sue

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  7. If the gps has failed, he's going in the wrong direction, and you know it....for you not to say anything is just weird. It has nothing to do with lifestyle choice, it's simply common sense. If someone is wrong, unless they are childish they will want you to tell them. I'm confused, Are you scared to speak up?

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    1. It comes from the fact most times when they're going in the wrong direction they're actually well aware they are -- no one likes their mistakes or errors pointed out at that time. Later, when the course is corrected then we can relax, discuss and even giggle over it. It's not about being afraid -- it's about respect.

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  8. I totally agree with what you just wrote, and I liked it. But why did you have to make it a point about men and women? Suddenly, I'm all not included anymore, and irritated to boot. I doesn't have to be about the gender of the people involved even one little bit.

    Meh. Maybe I shouldn't write this. But I like reading your blog, and I want to keep doing it, but being excluded from points of discussions hurts.

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    1. Oooooh no c! You brought up a valid point. Honestly, mouse knows about her dynamic. Daddy's the boss...yanno? There wasn't any intent to exclude anyone.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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    2. I totally get that! Thanks, mouse! And I write about my specific dynamic too, for that matter, wording things about her that and her that.

      And also, gender roles are active and powerful constructions in this world we live in, of course it matters and plays a role to how we see things. I don't know, maybe I just had a bad day. :-)

      hugs
      c

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  9. This is really beautiful and really speaks to me on so many levels.

    I’ve been notorious at being a doormat in my life. Not with my daddy, but with other friends and family members. Being a doormat to me meant burying my own needs in the relationship for the sake of keeping things ‘conflict-free’. And this may sound odd, but despite being miserable, being a doormat for me was in a way ‘safe’. Going along with what they wanted, letting them ‘run the show’, meant I could hide -- I didn’t have to ‘let them in' and see the real me.

    Being submissive for me, has been anything but ‘safe’. I feel sometimes like I’ve handed him the power to destroy me, and I need to believe that he would never intentionally use it in that way. I'm learning to open myself completely to him -- to let him see everything--the good, the bad, the deep dark twisted stuff. To let him know my feelings and needs. To trust that even though it may not be how I want it, he will meet those needs. And even though we’re rather new to TTWD, we’ve been together nearly half our lives and he's never given me a reason to not trust so sometimes I think I should be a little better at this trusting thing. But for me it still takes an incredible amount of courage and strength sometimes to make the choice to let go of the insecurity and let him lead.

    hugs,
    aurora

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  10. After over a year down this road of ttwd, I can finally understand this, and know that I do this. Just yesterday in the car, I knew I was right, but instead of ruining a whole day downtown, I didn't question him, I didn't tell him how to do it better, I was there supporting him.

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  11. I very much enjoyed your post. Very thoughtful. This is actually the D half looking over her blog. Often times, at least for me, my guiding and even my discipline is because of my deep love for her.

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