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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Demerits

Tomorrow Daddy said that mouse will be punished for all the accrued demerits since last week with the toddler and mouse being ill, he pushed it off to this week.  Not at all sure what the actual number is but mouse is fairly confident it's not good and decided to let that sleeping dog lie.  There's a lot of anticipation and anxiousness in mouse to just get it over-with and finding it difficult to not dwell upon the impending punishment.  

A few times, he's corrected mouse at once for things that fell outside the accepted behaviors outlined by Daddy and those will be addressed again.  Of course, he makes note of those odd infractions and doesn't really punish mouse twice, but more as a reminder that they're important to him.  Why would he bother with anything, expectation wise that's not important.  On some level, yes mouse is well aware that all his expectations are very important to him.  

There are times when mouse just forgets about them.  For example Daddy says that mouse must deviate from her schedule for some reason (could be anything) she's to send him a text letting him know.  That could mean an emergency trip to the market for something she's forgotten or leaving the store without buying anything because the baby is having a melt0down...The expectation is that she notify him of changes and sometimes mouse forgets.

Now to not misunderstand our dynamic isn't centered on punishments, in fact it's probably focused more on praise because he offers that very freely with lots of "good girl."  There are way more of those than of his "tisk-tisk" moments.   Most failures on mouse's part center on the "home" and "general" areas -- as mouse is prone to push limits a bit -- such as neglecting to text him about changes to routine or forgetting to bring reusable bags or making a shopping list.

The making of shopping list is a huge one that mouse always neglects to do.  So if she forgets to make the list but manages to remember to get everything we needed, he'll add a demerit but if she neglects to make a list and needs to return later for missing items we need, more demerits.  One for each item forgotten about and others for returning, wasting fuel...ya it can go on and on.

The point is that he wants mouse to learn from her errors and not just keep making them and mildly promising to do better next time.  He needs to see a result.  It's so easy for mouse to fall back into the old habit of being disorganized.  He's also very fair about it all.  If it's something we don't normally use a lot of and we're suddenly out of it -- he won't punish for that.

Becoming defensive or snapping at him is another bad habit mouse has.  The two seem to go hand in hand for some reason.  He'll mention something and mouse will snap that she knows that.  There's no defense of that and it's a very bad habit -- and if she's honest that's one of those little parts of mouse she wishes most she could change.  In a way she's very grateful that Daddy doesn't like it much either.


4 comments:

  1. Oh...The snapping. I struggle with that too. For me, it's mostly when I know he's right and I'm irritated with myself, which is pretty backwards, now that I read it...

    Glad you're feeling better!

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  2. That defensive thing is a hard one to crack.
    I really like your breakdown of punishment and praise .That is how it is with us, too. Punishments serve as correcting behaviour and are rare. Praise is given daily.

    I understand that blend of anxiousness and anticipation, too, Mouse.

    Hope you are feeling better about all things. *hugs*

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  3. The waiting it would seem to me is like a punishment in itself, at first when you had mentioned that demerits would be dealt with on a weekly basis (if im correct?) i was so sure i would find that difficult.

    But i wander if it actually helps in having that time to self reflect on ones behaviour, to see where/what went wrong, what provoked said behaviour.

    The odd thing i find when talking about punishment is that generally a conclusion is reached that its of a physical kind....and well thats not always the case, the bossman tries to have the 'punishment fit the crime' i was punished last week (being blatantly disrespectful in attitude) and he had me write out the English Oxford dictionary definition of respect 200 times......its a bloody long definition!

    Hmm thinking on what you said about the point being you learning from your errors, and not just keep making them and promising to do better......oh i do that, and the thing is i could kick myself for it because really i do know better...he knows that and expects it..

    ok im rambling on again lol

    Happy to hear your feeling a lot better, hope everyone else is as well.

    xx

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  4. It's funny, those kind of things is exactly the same that Mistress reacts to too. Changing of plans without notifying - I always have to text her when I do stuff, and if I change anything. She wants to know where I am at all times, and if she thinks I'm somewhere doing something and later found out I was in fact making a slight detour, she really really doesn't like it.

    And yeah, organisation... Except that Mistress has given up on me managing it, she's content with me bringing the shopping list she's written for example. But she really likes things done in an orderly, preplanned fashion. It's not my thing, to say the least, but she's putting up with me.

    With, that is, consequences and corrections. I don't envy you the waiting, and I'm glad Mistress chooses to disciplin in the moment, or as close as possible, but I could totally see her making up some demerit system, she'd probably like the idea a lot. I wont tell her about this... ;-)

    But mostly I think it's because the same way I can't make shopping lists, corrections a week later doesn't really give the behaviour changes she's looking for, because my brain is a little differently wired. It would be a nice sense of balance and strengthening our bond, but for me to actually change anything I need clear, swift consequences. But that's just 'cause I have ADHD.

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