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Friday, January 17, 2014

As He Scribbles

Over the past week, mouse has caught Daddy scribbling in his demerit book, he keeps with him most of the time.  Of course mouse didn't know what he was scribbling or if it was actually the demerit book -- Because what mouse calls the demerit book, is just a small notebook, Daddy writes in.  If he needs to remember something it goes in there.  Sure, there's probably an app for that, but he also feels during lunch with colleagues it's not always appropriate to take out your phone.  

So he carries a small black book, or maybe booklet, to jot down thoughts.  Demerits go into that booklet too.   Confidence was high that the infractions were small with mouse, but still it didn't stop the butterflies in her tummy as Thursday evening rolled around.  When he called her into his study and asked her to close the door mouse's heart sank a little.  He won't bother punishing for less than 2 demerits, he might lecture a little or make her write lines.  

Over the previous weeks Daddy hasn't punished mouse harshly, because she's been careful -- paying attention to her lists and not making assumptions where he's concerned.   But he's noticed a pattern that mouse will often sneak up to the punishment line and that's been coming up more often than not.  Often he'll take into account, if mouse is feeling tired or cranky about something -- he's not at all unreasonable.  At least not completely, but recently he's noticed times where mouse has been less than thoughtful.  

Listening to his lecture of her accounts, made mouse feel rather small, and none were horrible but Daddy said knowing mouse as he does, he knows she'll escalate the behaviors if he allowed it.  

He said also he doesn't want to punish mouse in our bedroom anymore.  He doesn't believe that's the proper place.   That really should have been a huge clue to mouse, when Daddy suggested earlier this week mouse move an older bathrobe into the study closet.   Unceremoniously, Daddy told mouse to remove all her clothing and jewelry (not the barbells) and place them on a his desk.  He had to tie her hair back into a pony tail and proceeded to remind her when she smirked a little (the whole thing was kinda exciting), this wasn't going to be fun.  He unlocked the wardrobe and took out the leather cuffs and the cane and cleared off a portion of his desk.  On the inside of the desk is large gage hook which he threads through a length of rope and attaches it the cuffs, after having mouse bend over the desk.  It's not really long enough so it pulls and mouse will push with her toes.  Ironically that's exactly what he wants since it puts her bottom in the perfect position.  

Something cold runs down her spine, prickly feeling and it makes mouse shiver.  Already she's wanting to beg for mercy.  He blindfolds mouse, saying it's better this way.   He reaches between her legs and plays with her clit, and calls her slut when she wriggles.  There's no mistaking though when she feels a small clamp bearing down there and whimpers.  

Mentally mouse keeps telling herself, it will be over soon.  He spoke clearly about her Expectations and which ones still required work, he praised her in other areas.  He told mouse to kiss the cane, he placed by her lips.  Then he reminded her to count.  Ten times he struck.  By three mouse was in tears.  By, 7 mouse's counting was almost indistinguishable from her cries.   When he reached 10 he didn't immediately release mouse from the rope, but just removed the clamp.   Then she felt him pressing himself against her...

After he finished, he released her from the rope, removed the cuffs, wrapped her in the robe, and held her as she cried and thanked him.  

Sometimes mouse requires a little more than a physical correction but mental one and Daddy knew him using mouse like that after the punishment would drive that message home to her.  

This morning, that mental shift was evident as mouse began to over-compensate for all the crankiness she's displayed recently. He refused her morning oral attention saying we needed to exercise and begin the day.  It stung like any rejection.  After we exercised and returned upstairs,  he had mouse kneel in the shower.  

Now it should be noted that mouse isn't fond of the whole "golden shower" thing.  Some really like it, but for mouse...never did and it's rather humiliating and debasing to her.   The discomfort isn't of much consequence to him.  When he finished he turned on the water and told mouse to remain kneeling.  Now he wanted his oral service.  No refusal, no balking just opened her mouth and took him.  Mentally mouse was totally grossed out (again...the whole urine thing).  

When he finished he washed his body and hair and told mouse remain kneeling until he finished.  Then he left the shower.  Maybe this punishment wasn't over?  

He told mouse to hurry up and wash, which she wasted no time washing her hair like 6 times.  There probably wasn't enough shampoo and soap in the house.  The conditioner was in when the water suddenly turned cold (the shower controls are outside the shower -- no need to further wonder who did that).  Quickly, mouse rinsed and got out.  Drowned mouse dripping on the floor.  

Daddy was already dressed and handed mouse a towel.  It felt warm -- he warned it in the dryer...

When she dried off, he told her to lift her arms for the corset and to hurry dressing because she had to still make breakfast and now we were behind schedule a little.  He took a little time to have breakfast with the kids and mouse.  

Right before he left he told mouse to blog about this.  He'd look forward to reading it today and we can discuss it later.  

There's a whole lot of remorseful feelings in mouse right now.  It's true lately mouse has been more than a little cynical...Even now she's struggling to find the word he used..."Sardonic?"  Yes, that was it.  And the thing is that mouse doesn't mean to be that way.  Sometimes she forgets how much he hates it when she acts like that.  Don't know maybe she begins behaving too familiar taking things for granted that it doesn't bother him, when she should know fully that it does and should bother him.   

This last part probably isn't making any sense at all...

While mouse was being punished, it felt unfair, not the cane part, but all the parts afterward and the need to continue it into the morning that has mouse rattled and at the same time finds it comforting.  The display of Dominance, being stripped and without choice was totally a turn on.  Mentally at times, mouse feels that whole idea of consensual slavery is a mind screw. 

12 comments:

  1. 'Mentally at times, mouse feels that whole idea of consensual slavery is a mind screw. '

    yes. this!

    (((hugs))))

    is it a 'this isn't fair and I hate it' but at the same time 'I feel safe and he's really proving he's looking after me and how I am/what I do actually matter to him' sort of feeling?

    I get that.

    It scares me and I get knots in my stomach, but I rather think I get it

    (((HUGS)))

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    1. Yes, we need it, we don't want it, but we need it. Round and round she goes ;)

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  2. Total mind screw. Wish I could keep in front of it but I usually don't realize it until it's over. I hate the golden shower too but it is when I feel my most submissive.
    hugs,
    Diane

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    1. The golden shower thing just really bugs mouse....sometimes he'll make mouse watch (normally she will close her eyes lol). It's like ick!

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  3. "Don't know maybe she begins behaving too familiar taking things for granted that it doesn't bother him, when she should know fully that it does and should bother him."

    It makes sense! I have similar thoughts every time I end up in trouble...

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    1. Thanks lil, sometimes mouse wonders if she's alone in these thoughts. :)

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  4. I'm such a lurker, but I'm stepping out for a second to say: I'm so glad I'm not the only one. This week has been an absolute "mind screw" for me and for similar reasons. I used those exact words this morning. Thank you for sharing. Seeing things from an outside perspective helps.

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    1. Welcome and hopefully a lurker no more!

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  5. Hello mouse,
    This was a peculiar read for me. As you and I have spoken numerous times, everyone's submission and dominance is unique to the relationship they are in and what works for one couple may not work for another. Oh the wonderfulness of being individuals.

    With that knowledge clear in my mind I still found it difficult to read your thoughts on the punishment because, as an outsider, it felt callous and cold. (Something I do not say lightly as I respect Omega and his administrations of your punishments.)

    Now the caning, that came across as expected although my backside could actually feel the pain of each strike. What surprised me was how he used you after he caned you and then proceeded to punish you in the morning. Perhaps it was because it felt as though it were a surprise for you as well, as though the punishment had intact ended and a fresh start had begun.

    I experience such conflict when people use sex as punishment if only because it confuses me, it connects the act of sex and sexual intimacy with punishment rather than with pleasure. This one small act then leaves me to always connect pleasure with pain and disappointment therefore removing any fun, love, joy from said act.

    Fascinating how our minds work and just how different they are. As for the experience with urine, that made me smile only because for me it neither brings pleasure nor humiliation. In fact it is no different to me than having water poured over me. Of course I want to bathe afterwards but it does not gross me out which is so odd considering my ick factor on bodily fluids. Urine though, for the most part, is highly sterile and I tend to think of it in a medicinal manner. I do hope you felt better after you showered. Amazing what a little soap will do for you.

    Regardless of my interpretation of your experience, I do hope you feel better now and have some balance inside yourself.

    Many big, warm hugs sweet mouse and a kind hello to Omega.

    x

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    1. Thanks so much for the lovely comment! Gosh, so much to say about it. There was much surprise that the punishment carried over to the next day. The sexual use (for us) after punishment is usually when he wants to make mouse feel like an object. As though it means little to him, the correction and then the use. Of course, mouse knows fully well -- if he didn't care, he wouldn't bother with the punishment to begin with. Perhaps his way saying, this is for you...now I'll take mine?

      Hmmm a new layer to the mind screw!

      The urine thing.....icky! Just yuck and while she tries to remind herself it's just pee....it just grosses her out.

      Thanks for the comments!

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  6. I was thinking about what goodgirl said above about how it seemed cold and callous, and for me personally although i dont like it when im punished and the bossman is cold and callous at these times......i need it.

    Because it distinguishes between the experience being fun and playful....its not intended to be that, i have displeased/disobeyed and i need that to be ingrained into me.....does that make sense?

    I can understand your feelings about it seemingly being carried onto the next day, that would play on my mind...but i wander if thats the point? to have one focus on not feeling resentful or angry but to examine ones behaviour, to have it made clear how one should behave etc.

    I hope all is well with you all.

    x

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    1. Thanks and YES! It does have a different feel than the playful Daddy...or even the serious "I'm going to make you suffer," one mouse knows so well.

      It's when he treats her with such indifference...it makes her crazy and maybe that's exactly why it continued the next morning.

      Been doing ok, but having wrist troubles. Think it's from the thumb tapping on the iPad. :-/

      Hugs

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