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Thursday, May 22, 2014

To Sir with Love

If you wanted the sky
I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high
To sir with love

It seems that mouse has tumbled into a chasm of thoughts lately surrounding her submission or feelings of submission.  Let's be clear,  Sir is very much still Daddy -- but for now, it doesn't feel right to refer to him as "Daddy" here.  Yes, he still gives mouse all the protection and love she could want and in that he's still very much "Daddy" but it's a shift that coming from mouse.

Maybe it's more about compartmentalizing different areas of her life or the uncertainty of what the summer months will bring for us, or more specifically for mouse. Sometimes it feels daunting and overwhelming, while other times it feels simple.  Maybe mouse has been over-thinking, needlessly mired in "what will the neighbors think?" The rational answer is who cares what the damn neighbors think!  Who cares if someone mouse doesn't really care about lifts an eyebrow because she fetches Sir a plate of food at a party, or serves others.  

There was a time when mouse didn't care that Sir ordered for her and in fact she's always liked it, but now there's this feeling of deep humiliation that she can't explain that comes with it.  It used to feel very natural and now it feels tainted in someway -- that mouse can't explain and probably should be able to just let go of.  

It's like a record that's just skipping endlessly.  Does anyone remember records? Sometimes due to a scratch on the vinyl, the needle would become stuck, you'd have to pick up the needle and advance it by hand to continue listening to the album or song.  That's exactly how mouse feels.  

Sir is helping mouse with these feelings and promises that come summer mouse will begin to again feel confident. Right now, there isn't much he can do -- he's so busy and now must travel a little next week -- which means for mouse he won't even be home.  But there's this desire to just move ahead, fast forward to summer (that will be here soon enough) and put all this to bed.  

2 comments:

  1. I wander mouse, thinking back to a post you wrote a few months back about a woman approaching you at a restaurant and the comments she said to you....do you think perhaps that could be playing in the back of your mind?...dunno, but reading this and your previous post made me think back to that situation.

    x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes...added to that comments made by other people we sort of know....

    Added to that other stuff....

    Added to that.....

    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete

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