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Monday, September 29, 2014

Surrender

Early Friday Morning mouse woke to the empty bed, Sir had been gone the whole week and felt completely untethered to him, adrift without a purpose or direction.  Dishes were stacked in the sink, the carpet not vacuumed since the last time the housekeeper appeared but Friday, he was coming home at some point.  Later Sir sent a text from the airport.  He had a lengthy layover at another airport but felt he should be home around 11PM or so our local time. Honestly mouse couldn't wait for him to be home where he belonged because she needed him.  

During those several hours, mouse ran a few errands, cleaned up the house, and got things in order but had that naggy feeling she was forgetting something.  Oh, enema and plug!  Really after going all week...How could she forget that?  Thank goodness she didn't completely forget it all together -- it wouldn't be good to start after our week apart on a bad forgetful note.  After feeling so out of touch and everything as mouse inserted the plug she began to cry.  There was this unspeakable feeling of relief that just came out.  This strong feeling of comfort, renewal?  Surrender.

Surrendering again and again to Sir's control, his wishes and desires had mouse all aflame.  When he sent a text that he'd landed, mouse began lighting candles all over the house to welcome him home.  One candle we keep by the entryway was lit each night while he was away.  Late each evening at her bedtime she'd blow it out and send him a text, then make her way up the stairs to the bedroom we share and the big empty bed.

When mouse saw the taxi coming from way down the street she practically screamed, but waited almost in a moment of disbelief.  Was it really him or just random vehicle that happened to be orange coming down the street?  It was him! Daddy was home!  Things were waiting for him, a cool towel, a light snack and a glass of ice tea.   At that moment the most natural place in the world for mouse was on her knees listening to him talk about his trip.  Later in bed after some nice use, Daddy listened as mouse prattled on about her week without him.  Nothing exciting to report but just the little bits he'd missed.  

2 comments:

  1. Oh yes, that feeling of being adrift, i get.

    Also, i dislike or rather i struggle with these thoughts (when he is away) that although i know i can manage without him, it highlights the dependency i have on him, its like i have always maintained that im not micro managed, but its the times he is away that actually make me think that perhaps in some areas i am...but i dont realise it until those moments.

    Silly little things really that make me aware that he is not around, like being able to watch what he calls trashy tv, have ping food (microwave food) which he definitely does not approve of, but will let it go when he is away..as long as its not everyday.

    I like the idea of keeping a candle in the window.

    Glad he is home safe, and all is well with you all.

    x

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  2. I get that feeling. You have described it aptly.

    I don't know if I ever told you, but I love your little talking period each night ritual - it sounds like a perfect idea.

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