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Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Newbie Tuesday: Balancing Act

A while back, mouse asked for questions people might have had about the relationship she has with Daddy.  

Foxy Canidae asked: 
Hi mouse! Was there a time when you also worked outside of your home while in a 24/7? My biggest struggle seems to be with being submissive after I get home from work and have been dominant all day. Did you ever have this problem? If so, how did Omega help you get through it?
This was one of those questions that isn't at all easy to explain.  In fact, it's very hard to string together the words.  For years mouse was an analyst and researcher, and yes, we did spend years working together.  But we weren't technically together at that time, so it wasn't much of an issue.  Personal note: It should also be mentioned that going from submissive to being responsible or in charge, has its own challenges and often requires a transition or change in mindset.  

When we did finally combine households, it suddenly did become an issue and a complication.  What helped that was he knew what mouse was doing.  He was a floor above her (almost directly), so he understood when mouse was squirreled away in her office that she was working hard to finish something.  Or directing others, checking their work, etc.

We often must be assertive in our daily jobs, whatever they might be -- really at times mouse feels there's really little difference between being a submissive wife who cares for kids all day and being a consensual slave who works outside the home. It's really hard to just shut that part off.  What helps mouse is time.  When she worked, it started usually during the drive home, she could begin to let go the day and get into the mindset she needed for Daddy.  There needs to be a transition time, if only mentally.  

Imagine that for work you wear a specific hat, being a mother, you have a different but specific hat for that, being submissive might involve taking the hats off and leaving them off for a period of time.  It doesn't mean the "mom hat" or "work hat" doesn't reappear but for the most part they stay in a drawer or tucked into the closet.  

One of our more unwritten rules was for the first hour we were home together, we'd be very quiet. Even when mouse was home hours before him, we'd maintain that quiet period. A glass of wine, relax a little, cook dinner, something to transition from being in control to not being in control, or maybe just having limited control for mouse.  Often doing a rote activity, throwing a load of wash into the washer, or loading the dishwasher helped immensely to clear her mind from what she called the work fog.  

It was (and still is) a segue for Daddy too.  He went from being boss at work to being Daddy at home, because he can't really speak to mouse the way he would an employee or fire her for not doing something right -- his reactions must be tempered.  Sure he can punish or add a demerit but it has to be dealt with differently -- if he spoke to her as he would an employee who totally fucked something up, it would crush mouse. That's only because our relationship is completely different -- and mouse takes things like that to heart so he has to be a bit different.  Just like he can't spank his secretary for forgetting about a meeting.  Now, because of his work hours shifting, we're more or less back to that hour of quiet before dinnertime.  

One thing mouse has continued to do, since we've been together is to change her clothing.  When she worked, she would come home, go upstairs and change out of her work clothing (female business attire) into something more comfortable -- really terrible days she'd become anti-girl, in sweatpants, no makeup and hair up in a ponytail -- a look mouse later learned Daddy hated.  Even now, on days where mouse is endlessly running errands, she will take time to change her blouse or even her dress -- throw a little lipstick on -- nothing elaborate.  It's part of that mental shift. 

What we wear to work or to do work is our 'uniform', stepping out of that would often help mouse.  It doesn't need to be huge either -- it's not like you're getting dressed up for a night on the town.  Taking your shoes off can part of that. Daddy prefers mouse not wear shoes inside the house, but knows that she's running in and out a lot during the day.  So, in the evening when mouse isn't running so much she will take her shoes off and keep them off.  Just like she will kneel before him when he does get home from work, remove his shoes and put his slippers on his feet.  It sounds silly, or 1950s TV show (trust mouse would NEVER share this with her girlfriends)...but it's actually part of that mental changeover.  Little itty-bitty things that reinforce submission.  

You probably already have a few rituals in place already that you never thought as being part of that period of restoring your inner balance.  Adding a few other tips that hopefully were inspired by this post (or spurred by) can't hurt.

Please let mouse know your thoughts.   

4 comments:

  1. Hi Mouse,
    I think that everyone that lives disjointed lives need a break, a transition, between their separate existences. When my wife and I were both working, we used the 1 hour drive home to "debrief" about the day and purge it from our systems. Once home the working day was done, no mention of issues, problems, wins or losses.

    I think we all have little rituals that are part of this change of mind set from one role to another. Since we have both stopped working these rituals have become more obvious and more fun. And despite everything else I think that this is the most important thing in this lifestyle...having a bit of fun.

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    1. Welcome to our blog home. Yes, those rituals or just transition times are mighty important and often, they're over-looked.

      Yes, fun is part of it. Of course Omega says that mouse brings the fun. :)

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  2. Oh mouse! I love your response! I have started using exercise after work as a way to get the left over aggression out and unwind to improve my state of mind for submitting. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes I get in trouble for attitude... ok, a lot of the time, lol... but I have found that everyday, it is worth it.

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    1. Everyone needs a bit of decompression time to change hats or shift gears. This is why mouse actually enjoys cleaning the kitchen after a meal. It gives a mental break.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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