Under His thumb

Earlier this week Daddy returned to daily maintenance for mouse.  It could be that the upcoming holiday season has mouse a bit scattered.  Or it could be this whole orgasm control has mouse feeling off balance (because quite honestly it's all she think about).  Whatever the reason, Daddy again called mouse to the chaise lounge early this morning in our bedroom.  After the good paddling and a very red bottom he told mouse to be a good girl.  It felt to mouse like the most intimate thing we've done all week.  The closeness it brings is hard to explain.  It does bring about a distinct change in mouse, albeit temporary it seems.  

The biggest thing it seems to do, is quiet mouse's mind.  All the internal chatter is silent.  Mindfulness seems to have returned.  Over the summer, with so few distractions that mindful feeling came rather easy.   Also Daddy was around so much of the time.  It was like a buoy, bobbing in the ocean -- he was there. Having all those weeks with him, when he left although difficult it was manageable, centered mouse and she returned to her purpose.  Now, we've slipped into a new routine (guided by lists and alarms) and honestly, mouse is struggling again.  There are too many days where she just doesn't want to deal with it all -- while the alarms cannot be ignored, the lists seem to be pushed back. 

Too many days where mouse just blew off things she knew she should do, in favor of things that should be done during spare time (and there NEVER seems to be enough of that).  It's been going on since maybe the middle of September, and sure everything gets done eventually but that's not the point.  The point is that mouse feels badly that she let this slide so much that Daddy had no choice but to step in and make it right again.  Now, he's very generous and quick to point out its all not mouse's fault -- he accepts the blame in letting mouse slide too.   It doesn't really help mouse though because she feels that she should be held to a higher standard -- a standard that doesn't require him to step in and do anything extra.  

It also makes mouse wonder if there isn't something subconscious going on that she's not aware making her do these thing to begin with?