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Friday, March 13, 2015

All that You Love


Good morning friends!  Is it really Friday the 13th?  This morning we have some raspberry muffins to indulge in with our coffee.  It should go without saying that mouse loves many things, in fact, Daddy was fast to point out that mouse has no in-between love and hate.  It's either she's widely passionate about something and loves it to death, or she absolutely hates it with the same passion that Daddy says is more like venom.  Also you can all congratulate mouse on making it through another week without punishment.  It's getting a bit nerve-wracking now for mouse, how long can she go?  
Today's question comes from Julie who asked: "Hi mouse, this is a question I asked kaya; is there any advice you would give to a novice slave such as I and is there anything you would do differently if you were starting over?"  

We were all novices once, guess the biggest bit of advice mouse could offer would be to educate yourself about what BDSM is and isn't.  Talk and discuss endlessly your feelings about everything and hopefully that's something they (Dom/Master) will invite and share their own thoughts with you. Do not expect a power dynamic to fix huge problems in your relationship or even personality flaws either of you might have.  Make sure there are times you can speak completely freely without a fear of punishment.  Be honest with yourself and with them about what you really want.  Don't think because mouse or anyone else has or does this or that you should as well.  Some are slaves that truly most comfortable in a bedroom and submitting fully there and find when it moves beyond the bedroom they just shrink.  That doesn't diminish them.  

If mouse is honest with herself, she might have put more effort of fixing her own issues before she offered herself to Daddy as his slave -- and began repairing herself shortly after Alpha's death -- so we're talking years before Daddy.  He saw the issues, probably better than mouse but even he didn't realize how bad some were until we moved in together.  There was a lot of really stupid things mouse did between Alpha and Daddy that she didn't realize were signs of the PTSD she refused to acknowledge.  After all she'd had lived through a holocaust or war, how could she have PTSD just because she was treated poorly in a Master/slave relationship?  

The one thing that really changed everything in our relationship was when he began listening to mouse each night as we cuddled in bed.  He wouldn't comment or talk at all, sometimes he'd pull mouse closer, but he let her know that she was safe to say things she needed to say.  Hours upon hours of talking about what happened in her past.  Sometimes later, days even, he would bring up some odd tidbit, and we'd discuss that.  That was when he felt it was ok to share his thoughts.  At first it was nothing heavy or even directly related to Alpha.  It helped create a feeling of safety in mouse so when he did bring up more important issues that did involve her years with Alpha mouse felt fine about discussing it with him.   He didn't jump in with anything but rather touched on various things delicately.

The trust bond is probably the most important element in an Master/slave dynamic.  You've got to trust them and they've got to trust you.  Without trusting, everything else falters.  This is goes on both sides of the Power Exchange Dynamic.  If the Master can't trust the slave, no amount of punishment will change that.  

4 comments:

  1. Great post. Congrats on another week!
    It was very smart of O to approach the issues that way -- not starting with heavy topics right off the bat. I'm just finishing up school to become a therapist/social worker (still new in terms of working in the field...as I'm only 24) and that's a very important factor in approaching somebody's problems. Few people outside of therapy (and even some therapists!) don't understand the importance of starting off discussing other topics besides the root of the issues. I've said this before, but I just love the dynamic you two have! Hope you have a nice weekend :)

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  2. Thank you mouse, that is really useful, not only in your description of your current and previous life but also in me thinking about mine. I completely agree about the importance of trust. I can honestly say, that I am able to speak more openly with Master than I have before with anyone and that is because of the trust we already have but also because somehow this relationship is right.

    I have a long way to go in our Master slave relationship, and it helps to know that you still struggle at times too. hugs xxx

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  3. Hi Mouse, congratulations on making another week! This is a great post and wonderful advice. Communication and trust are do important.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  4. Hi mouse,

    I keep coming back to this post because it resonates with me so much. I've even tried to leave a comment a couple of times and just couldn't get my head around what I wanted to say. So, here goes again...

    There was a time in my life many years ago, I had just met Heron and within a week, probably the most traumatic thing I could have ever experienced in this life happened to me. He helped me through it not just at the time but in the years to follow, much the way you describe Omega doing for you. He also made me feel safe again. This isn't something I have been able to share in my own writing as of yet...perhaps maybe your post will give me the courage to do that at some point because it is probably the one thing that kept me from being able to give myself completely to Heron for so many years. That fear of letting go of control was a real bitch to get over.

    I firmly believe that it doesn't take the horrors of war or holocaust to suffer the effects of PTSD. There are all sorts of traumas that occur in our lives and I know for years after what happened in my life, I struggled with it. Unfortunately, most of mine came out as anger and rage...I can see that now. Sure couldn't see it then.

    Anyways, thank you so much for your post and giving me some things to reflect on. And I'm sorry that you went through the things that you did but I think it's wonderful how Omega was there for you.

    Hope you have a great weekend!

    Hugs xx

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