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Monday, June 12, 2017

I Can See All Obstacles in my Way

On Saturday, as some might be aware mouse made a comment of having a quiet day with Master on Twitter. While Omega does have a twitter account, he doesn't really use it. In fact he hadn't posted on it for years. He's just not a social media guy. So, you can imagine mouse's shock when he did reply. Now to be clear, we were both home at the same time, albeit on different floors. Upstairs mouse was working on laundry while he was downstairs watching sports on the television. 

He, at first, repeated that he was having a quiet day with his only slave. 

So mouse had to comment that he mentioned "only" ...Then it happened...

He referred to mouse as "baby girl" which he doesn't do publicly ever. He usually would call mouse his slave or just say mouse. So mouse asked if we were reentering a "Daddy" phase again?  There was a sense of hopefulness in mouse (which she'll explain later). 

He replied that we never left it and that he doesn't care how mouse refers to him, so long as it's said respectfully.

Projections are often very wrong.  Honestly mouse hates the term, "you are projecting." especially when mouse was convinced she wasn't doing it at all. Yet she was and sees it much more clearly. All this time mouse believed that calling him Master came from Him when it really came from herself and that internal need to please him.  No that;s probably not right, she didn't call him Master to please him...but more to formalize our relationship and remind mouse what he is to her first.

When he wrote on Twitter that he never stopped being "daddy" more or less the way mouse took his words; it made her cry. He came upstairs where mouse was doing laundry to find her in tears of relief. It's felt like months of punishment were finally over and he was again "Daddy" but the problem was that it was all mouse. The guilt she felt had finally consumed her and despite feeling so brittle that she might shatter, she realized that she was punishing herself.  Maybe Omega's odd gesture allowed her to forgive herself.

He held her and rocked her in his arms and remarked at how proud he is of her. He had no idea that mouse was in such turmoil and he didn't want that. Yes he wanted her to realize that she was wrong, but not to that extent that it would eat her up or feel internally punished forever. Daddy held his mouse, and let her cry until no more tears came.

What is truly odd, until that moment when he expressed that he hadn't any clue that mouse felt like that, she realized that neither had she. All that inner turmoil that she felt she needed to make something right that had gone wrong, was only coming from her own skewed projection. It's like she was wearing a backpack but never realized until she took it off how incredibly heavy it was. 

6 comments:

  1. You have demonstrated so much growth recently. I remain proud of you. Regardless of what I may call you, "slave, mouse, or baby girl" they all mean, Mine."

    Unconditionally,
    O

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  2. I love reading here...it is so real, and often gives me something to think about..and to discuss with Master. hugs abby

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  3. Loved reading this. Growth and realisation are things not nearly valued enough in our modern world. I hope to never stop growing - if nothing else- in self awareness no matter how long it takes. *love*

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  4. Wow Mouse, this is wonderful, this made me smile :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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  5. Ah, sighs, lovely post. Now I'm humming a tune as well.

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