connections

I dabble in woodworking, and it begins with a drawing or idea.  Dimensions are roughed out.  I take into consideration, where the item will be placed, who will see it, what function does it serve, how should it look, etc., it requires planning.  It would be a waste of time and supplies to build a cage too small to hold mouse, so I must take that into consideration.  I gather my tools before beginning, and purchase supplies I know I will need.

It is a process, to build something from nothing.

As I write this, I am mentoring a couple who are eager for a Master/slave commitment in their lives.  He wants total control and she wants him to have it.  Nice arrangement.  There is an issue, their communication skills are somewhat lackluster.  A master carpenter is nothing without the right tools, even basic ones.  Good communication skills are required for any relationship dynamic.  Excellent communication skills are needed for this dynamic. Both have a tendency to say what they think the other wishes to hear instead of saying what they truly believe. This naturally leaves a false sense of security in both parties. 

One is routinely left scratching their head, wondering what they did wrong when a rough or slippy patch is hit.  It takes only a few minutes of listening to the he said, she said, to realize they are talking about two different situations.  They are not making the proper connection needed to excel and are out of plumb -- they require realignment.  They must relearn how to communicate with each other.  To be audible and say the words, "I do not like this," or "I really enjoyed that," and then follow through with the reason why.  Fear is the motivator which must be eradicated.  Fear of being misunderstood or admitting something deep within themselves.  

They must learn to pay attention to nuance, does the other have a tell, which lets them know they are not being completely honest?  Some are obvious, while others more subtle, such as playing with their fingers, or a ring, or simply looking downward.  After spending some time watching or simply understanding their reactions in various situations, you learn something more about them.  The tells become more obvious.  You begin to see the person they truly are.  Not simply look at them or at their direction.

Now one might argue that just the Master needs those skills, but I would disagree.  The submissive can find them invaluable as well.  With that skill, they can spot more readily uncertainty in their Dominant counterpart, just as they can spot total confidence.  The submissive can feel empowered to use their voice at the appropriate time, as opposed to holding the responses in. 

In this couple, they both seem to lack confidence, however as they grow together in these roles, I believe, it should improve.