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Friday, July 9, 2010

This is going to sound weird

While I was going through that difficult stuff, O, of course was right beside me.  He has great cheerleading potential.  But there were moments when very secretly I would wish that he wasn't so damn understanding.  Even now to admit it seems so ungrateful.  Still, it was how I felt at that time and part of me still does.  


Is it possible for someone to be just too understanding?  


He was a rock, solid, made excellent decisions, brought up things I should pay attention to...etc...seriously no one could be more help during a difficult time.  He offered wonderful insight and perspective, when I was seriously lacking of both.  But there were also times he was too...too.  Dare I say too helpful? Too nice?  Maybe too forgiving?  Just too manly...after all i was falling apart and sometimes you want someone to just go to pieces with you.  Thank goodness for Lucy!  LOL


I can talk about this now because we've talked it over.  And I'm still trying to put into words everything I feel.  Or rather felt at that time.  


Of course he assures me that those feelings are normal (and even that bugged me).  There is just something about someone so self assured and calm when someone else (namely me) felt so out of sorts.  I guess that's why he's the Dom. 


In any event we're taking a long weekend to just relax and reconnect.  See everyone on Tuesday!  



6 comments:

  1. I find it very frustrating, what you describe. It's one of those 'can't have it both ways' things. I need him to be my rock and not fall apart with me, but I hate that I fall apart and he doesn't. For me it's also tied up in my pride and not wanting to ask for help, or be unable to handle everything myself, or to really need him.

    On the other hand, in saner moments, I know it goes both ways. The form or appearance is different, but he relies on me in small and large ways too.

    I do hope you have a great weekend together.

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  2. Although you have that, let's call it, resentful edge, overall the fact is you need Omega to steer you in the right direction. Accept the resentment as a necessary irritant. Can you imagine if you really had a partner who fell apart whenever you needed him to? Sounds like you'd have a big mess on your hands.

    Kudos to Omega.

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  3. I understand what you write about in this post. For moments like this I find I need other women. Sometimes you just need to be able to whine and complain and have the other person get upset and whine and complain right back with you.

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  4. Doesn't sound at all weird to me. When I'm falling apart and he's staying strong it feels, in some way, as though that trivializes my reaction and makes it feel like I'm over-reacting. Not at all how it's meant, I know. Nor would I honestly like it any better if he was falling apart. Then I'd be secretly disdaining him for being a weenie. And I certainly don't want him to be a weenie -- but I don't like feeling like one myself, either.
    So, see? Nothing weird at all about that.
    Nope.
    uh-uh.

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  5. I don't think it sounds weird either. Asha can be the same way and reason when you're feeling unreasonable can feel... well it can make you want to scream. But in retrospect it's always a good thing. I think it's more disturbing when the things that's holding me up also becomes unstable.

    *hugs*

    turiya

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  6. nope I don't really understand this..but I do think it has to do with pride ,.as greengirl mentioned.
    Of course having other women to talk with would help..then again I have no experience with like minded real life women.
    Good luck.

    At any rate.. you sound happy..that is what matters!

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