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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Ding, ding, ding

Good morning,
Sometimes mouse has thoughts that must be put down, this morning mouse woke earlier than normal and used that extra time to work out some of those thoughts.  Last week mouse wrote a post about living the dream, where she commented that often she can't tell where his control begins and mouse's submission ends.  It causes some measure of confusion in mouse at times, just as her masochism does.

The other evening while in bed, Omega took the slut on a journey.  It was incredible the way he effortlessly blends lust, want and pain almost in a voodoo like way.  It was a place where a fog settled over her and her responses were primal.  Later she found herself exhausted like after a scene and mentally needed to come down.  Actively mouse searched for her cage but mentally seemed unaware that she wasn't in the basement.  A deep confusion set in and Omega held the mouse very closely, speaking in a soothing tone.  It was as though mouse couldn't get close enough to him but yet felt herself calming.  Somehow she knew or understood she was safe.

As mouse laid beside him her mind drifted and wandered.  His power, control over mouse is complete and she's lucky, oh so lucky that he has the character not to really take advantage of it, the way Alpha had.  The confusion she feels must be the last bits of control she has.  Society's idea of what or who she should be.  Good girls don't want to feel pain or be physically hurt.  Just like good men don't want to hurt women they love.  Yet, Omega wants to inflict pain on mouse and mouse likes it.  No, she needs, craves and desires it.  That's the real difference between abuse and what we have.  Omega doesn't use his power of control to push mouse down, but instead to lift her.  With him, she has freedom to be what she is.  It's really that amazing.  To not feel suppressed by him, but really empowered.  The boundaries aren't really etched in stone, but more guidelines to help mouse along the way.  They aren't restrictive or isolating but really the opposite is true.  The fogginess and confusion has dissipated.

Thing/chattel or person?  

Over the past couple days a nameless person has left comments here, at first mouse was amused by them.  When mouse commented on her new rule about the lack of privacy, our nameless friend said that mouse shouldn't have any, because (and mouse is paraphrasing) 'things' don't need it.  Then the following day our nameless friend showed up again referring to mouse as chattel and remarked that mouse shouldn't be confused her about her masochism because it simply wasn't her place to think or worry about such things.

Now, mouse supposes that this is true.  In that true definition that web whipped up on what slavery is, mouse is chattel (moveable property).  However mouse is also loved by Omega and that is a huge distinction.  This mouse isn't hidden away in some closet, brought out when chores are required or Omega needs her service, she is always out and about.  Yes, his needs do come first.  Yes, he makes Da Rulz that mouse follows.  But mouse can also read, write and has a complex mind, with equally complex thoughts.  Omega allows and encourages mouse to explore those thoughts because they only serve to deepen her slavery to him.

Can mouse leave Omega?  Legally by the way our North American laws are drawn up, of course the answer is yes, but the deeper question is can she leave him?  That answer is simply put, no.  The choice was made, the bridge behind her has burned...she does belong to him.  Even if she was misused by him she has no right to leave him.  In fact, it is written into the rules that while she can leave, she can never consider herself "free" unless she is released by him.  He decides that and not the other way around.

 He of course has the right to leave her, take back her collar and rings, banish her from his life, but he also wouldn't do that without good reason.

It is not however that simple and mouse is fond of the black/white notion of what of slave is.  But the black/white notion ignores all the beautiful shades that complete the spectrum.  So, for now this mouse is glad she doesn't exist in a black and white world; imagine all the brilliant colors she'd be missing out on?


  1. Beautifully put mouse. There are many shades between and besides black and white. That's what makes for such a lovely world.
    Love makes all the difference.

  2. I like the way you think of the in between as colors, not gray. Why must one be a thing to be owned? Why must one give up her personhood to belong to Him? It seems to me that you feel you are becoming more the person you are, not less.

  3. I'm glad you're feeling better about the masochism stuff... and yes... it really does make sense when you look at it that way. It's sort of sad how societal standards can make us question our own needs and desires as if they are somehow wrong.

    And I'm certainly glad to that I don't live in the black and white world of slavery. The colorful version is sooooo much nicer. :-D



  4. mouse, this is why i return over and over to your blog, you write so beautifully and place things in words that i wouldnt be able.
    i am owned ...i am proud of it, but as you said, i also still have a mind and it is encouraged by my One to grow and delvelop ...Just as a gardener develops a prize flower so my One shapes all areas of my life. You are not a thing you are part of your One ,and by His ownership He is part of you. i wish your person with no name could see the colours and realise the brilliance of what is being missed

  5. Reading up through your blog I could see you becoming more and more the complete mouse, under Omegas guidance. It is a beautiful story mouse. This post just put it so beautifully.


  6. Late To The Party Girl sez:
    "what gg said"


  7. What does Omega think about the person that is leaving the anonymous comments?
    I'd like to address him or her but then that would be giving them a voice on your blog.
    You have a beautiful relationship with Omega and as others of noted you have blossomed under his care.


  8. I am suddenly super aware of how little i understand the s that wants to be mine. Your words paint a powerful picture of the depth of your emotions. i need to keep looking to learn but i don't mind admitting that i am apprehensive even a little scared to consider what it is that i have taken possession of.
    we are in a tough place and as alice said, the only way out is to go deeper into the rabbit hole.

  9. lil...Thanks and you're so right.

    gg...mouse thinks that maybe some people really take the "idea" of slavery too far. Too much fantasy is included into what the ideal slave is.

    turiya...Yes feeling better about that at least. In some ways there are paralles to be drawn between how society views we should be and some of those presumably few in the BDSM world who believe the fantasy.


    KellyRed...thank you...might change the name of the blog to the Evolving mouse....LOL what mouse wrote to gg and apply it to you too. ;-)

    Heather1...Omega moderates comments, especially anonymous ones. He found "our anonymous friend" (who is still lurking on the blog but not commenting) kinda amusing. Truthfully, mouse cannot fathom her life without O in it.

    Dad man...welcome and ya, down that rabbit hole we go.



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