Ding, ding, ding

Good morning,
Sometimes mouse has thoughts that must be put down, this morning mouse woke earlier than normal and used that extra time to work out some of those thoughts.  Last week mouse wrote a post about living the dream, where she commented that often she can't tell where his control begins and mouse's submission ends.  It causes some measure of confusion in mouse at times, just as her masochism does.

The other evening while in bed, Omega took the slut on a journey.  It was incredible the way he effortlessly blends lust, want and pain almost in a voodoo like way.  It was a place where a fog settled over her and her responses were primal.  Later she found herself exhausted like after a scene and mentally needed to come down.  Actively mouse searched for her cage but mentally seemed unaware that she wasn't in the basement.  A deep confusion set in and Omega held the mouse very closely, speaking in a soothing tone.  It was as though mouse couldn't get close enough to him but yet felt herself calming.  Somehow she knew or understood she was safe.

As mouse laid beside him her mind drifted and wandered.  His power, control over mouse is complete and she's lucky, oh so lucky that he has the character not to really take advantage of it, the way Alpha had.  The confusion she feels must be the last bits of control she has.  Society's idea of what or who she should be.  Good girls don't want to feel pain or be physically hurt.  Just like good men don't want to hurt women they love.  Yet, Omega wants to inflict pain on mouse and mouse likes it.  No, she needs, craves and desires it.  That's the real difference between abuse and what we have.  Omega doesn't use his power of control to push mouse down, but instead to lift her.  With him, she has freedom to be what she is.  It's really that amazing.  To not feel suppressed by him, but really empowered.  The boundaries aren't really etched in stone, but more guidelines to help mouse along the way.  They aren't restrictive or isolating but really the opposite is true.  The fogginess and confusion has dissipated.

Thing/chattel or person?  

Over the past couple days a nameless person has left comments here, at first mouse was amused by them.  When mouse commented on her new rule about the lack of privacy, our nameless friend said that mouse shouldn't have any, because (and mouse is paraphrasing) 'things' don't need it.  Then the following day our nameless friend showed up again referring to mouse as chattel and remarked that mouse shouldn't be confused her about her masochism because it simply wasn't her place to think or worry about such things.

Now, mouse supposes that this is true.  In that true definition that web whipped up on what slavery is, mouse is chattel (moveable property).  However mouse is also loved by Omega and that is a huge distinction.  This mouse isn't hidden away in some closet, brought out when chores are required or Omega needs her service, she is always out and about.  Yes, his needs do come first.  Yes, he makes Da Rulz that mouse follows.  But mouse can also read, write and has a complex mind, with equally complex thoughts.  Omega allows and encourages mouse to explore those thoughts because they only serve to deepen her slavery to him.

Can mouse leave Omega?  Legally by the way our North American laws are drawn up, of course the answer is yes, but the deeper question is can she leave him?  That answer is simply put, no.  The choice was made, the bridge behind her has burned...she does belong to him.  Even if she was misused by him she has no right to leave him.  In fact, it is written into the rules that while she can leave, she can never consider herself "free" unless she is released by him.  He decides that and not the other way around.

 He of course has the right to leave her, take back her collar and rings, banish her from his life, but he also wouldn't do that without good reason.

It is not however that simple and mouse is fond of the black/white notion of what of slave is.  But the black/white notion ignores all the beautiful shades that complete the spectrum.  So, for now this mouse is glad she doesn't exist in a black and white world; imagine all the brilliant colors she'd be missing out on?