Trust and change

Good morning,

Trust is a huge word with just a few letters.  Someone commented recently when mouse spoke of the changes to our dynamic, that because Omega is in charge, mouse should simply trust him.  No argument from mouse at all, but that's outward trust.  Yes, where Daddy goes, mouse follows.  It doesn't mean tho that she doesn't grumble a little about the journey, even if she keeps all of those grumbles to herself, they're still there.  Daddy knows that too, because he knows his mouse all too well.

Trust is wonderful but it doesn't always remove all fear.  That little "what if" monster rises to the surface making mouse doubt herself and sometimes doubt him.  Of course Daddy does have mouse's best interest at heart but it doesn't change that instance of self-doubt.  Will he still love mouse the same as always, will she become imbalanced and horrible to be around?  Would we just slip into vanilla slumber and become bored with each other?

Most importantly: How on earth will mouse ever feel contained without being beaten once in a while with his whip?  Could she really be happy without her trips to subspace she craved?  What if we continued the previous path and mouse was really harmed by him during a sadistic rage, what would become of her trust then?

Yes, those things were all about mouse.  Of course she understood that it had to end - for Daddy's health and well being, as well as her own safety, but endings deserve a period of mourning as well.  And yes, mouse was sad to see it all dismantled, every bit as much as she was worried about what the future might bring us.  Those thoughts tho, she kept to herself and very private, because Daddy had enough to be concerned with.

So, while outwardly mouse put on the brave face and soldiered on for her Daddy, inwardly she wondered and worried, and pined away.  During the first days of all that change, simply trusting him inwardly wasn't enough.  In the end the fears diminished until they simply dissapated like fog.  Daddy could really contain mouse without so much as lifting more than his eyebrow.  He does it artfully with his words, the way he walks and silkiness of his tone or the abrupt harshness of his voice.  The way he places his hand on the small of her back, guiding still through busy streets.  He truly guides her through life and trust, well it's there, but most importantly it's internal trust and external.

It's true mouse does feel real pangs of guilt ever doubting Daddy, eventually we talked about those fears that mouse had.  Daddy said they were completely valid and wished mouse had shared them with him at the time.  He was also quick to realize there was nothing he could do about them.  There was nothing he could say that would make them disappear, because mouse is human and that's very much human nature.  No, in the end mouse had to wait, to be still and patient and see where things led.  To see where Daddy led her and how she felt about it all.

Imagine her surprise when they led to something even better than she dreamed.   Better than Daddy imagined.