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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

In the Shadow of the Moon

More on subjugation and slavery:

Long ago within these pages in post called "Counting Stars By Candlelight" mouse wrote about, what else, her relationship with Daddy. This post had to do with our relationship house and who decides what goes into it.

"Is there room for change? Of course, our relationship "box" isn't really a box, to me it's an old house built long ago. The foundation is solid, and the bones of the house are in great shape. It has magnificent flow. Yes, it creaks and sometimes groans, it expands and contracts with the weather. It must be maintained. Windows sealed, paint added, it must be insulated, and ultimately filled with whatever Omega decides to put into it. This doesn't mean that I don't have a choice or a voice because I do, but the decision is left to him. I'm fully comfortable with that. We can disagree on wall colors or what kind of cabinets to put in the kitchen, but it's still all good. There are no games being played, nothing held over the other's head, no trying to trick the other person. It is simply decided, understood and accepted. To us it's easy because we're right for each other."

Wow where was this post when mouse was decorating and obsessing about paint colors? The spirit of the post remains unaltered. It also fits the post mouse wrote on Subjugation.

Things in the blogosphere go in waves with topics like in a power exchange relationship who holds the power? This discussion, which mouse often forgets, is really about submissives. This highlights the difference between submission and consensual slavery.

In our dynamic it would be very insulting to imply in anyway that mouse is really in control of the relationship because she begged for his control. That Omega's power is just an illusion.

That's as silly as saying that he rearranged the kitchen because mouse topped him from the bottom into doing by placing a dead mouse on the kitchen floor!

It was Omega who first asked mouse if she were open to a Master/slave relationship. In time mouse made the choice to hand her power over to him. Easily he could have said for her to quit her job, not renew her driver's license, shave her head...whatever would bring him pleasure. He can use her as an object as he wishes. it is her purpose to serve him and see his needs are met. To freely give her support to him emotionally and physically. Why yes, initially mouse did choose to submit, but once she was bound by his authority. He can ask mouse to do anything (within common sense), and when he does ask something of her she finds difficult, it reinforces mouse's slavery to him. A powerful reminder that mouse cannot refuse (again within the confines of common sense).

He can decide what music she listens to, the kind of vehicle she drives (or if she drives), the clothing she wears or doesn't. He can control her speech patterns and if she speaks at all! An owner of a slave must be very active in their Dominance.

He may ask her for her opinion but reserves the right to go his own way. He retains the right to use his property as he sees fit, and he's only limited by laws and his imagination. He really only answers to himself and conscious.

Anything that mouse has is because he allows it. If he gives her a choice in something he expects her to be honest and to choose wisely. If she tells him that she simply cannot decide, then she shouldn't complain if he doesn't choose what she really wanted. After all, he gave her the opportunity to decide. Recently, he simply asked mouse if she wished to be treated like a slave or a child. When mouse meekly replied slave, he made her kneel on rice for several minutes to remind her of that choice. His point was well made.

Recently, mouse has grumbled a little about Daddy. He spoke curtly to her in a shoe store, he's controlled what she can purchase, he's decided what she does each day and even decided what mouse will cook. But aside from offering quick apologies and keeping her behavior in check -- this is what she signed up for.

The truth remains consensual slavery isn't for everyone. It requires a lot of faith and trust and this goes on both sides of the power exchange dynamic. Monkey has written a few posts recently on "breaking the girl". While mouse shuddered when she read it, she totally understood. And the truth is that mouse was badly 'broken' by alpha. But also, slowly broken by Omega, and in his breaking of mouse -- she has truly begun to heal from her past. It's all wrapped up in her slavery to Daddy, which for her at least is deeply profound and intense. Again it's not for everyone, but for mouse it's completely turned her life around. And the place she's in is very good.

Song Selection: Terrapin Station; R. Hunter, J. Garcia


  1. Mouse,

    Thanks for a well written post that explains clearly how the relationship works for you and Omega. It is working for you and you have begun to heal from past experiences.

    Are there times you resent or have hard feelings about a decision or action Omega has taken? Concerns more in depth than grumbling about not buying the shoes you wanted.

    It is difficult (since I'm not in your type relationship) for me to comprehend the total submission you write about. It would seem at some point ego, inner self (whatever you want to call it) might kick in and demand a different type of reaction from you.

    Don't mind my rambling, still trying to sort this out in my mind. Although kaya would say (from my questions to her) I will never understand....think she gave up on me.

    Happy to know you are in a good place

    1. Joyce

      Your rambles are most welcomed, O sent a text message about your comment and was interested on how mouse would answer. To answer the question, yes there are such times.

      For example: Next month (July) we will be vacationing for roughly the entire month. Omega loves travel and wants his children exposed to different cultures. Now this causes internal strife for mouse. First being she doesn't care for travel and doesn't blend well. Secondly, mouse is scared to fly and this trip requires several flights.

      Now, she knows that the first and second issues are just temporary things, and she'll end up having for the most part a lovely time. So she will just set aside her unreasonable thoughts and simply go along.

      The third issue was nearly a deal breaker tho. Omega has traveled a lot...but it seems his luggage has traveled more extensively than he. For that reason be refuses to check bags. He routinely travels with one carry on (technically he's allowed two small bags one overhead, one under the seat). He expects all his travel companions to do the same (in this case his family, immediate and extended).

      Impossible...not really. Practicle? Yes for him. For mouse? Well, not so much. So yes there was much, much grumbling and gnashing of teeth! Seriously mouse could have just a bag for shoes alone! Lol...but now she's very limited in what she can bring and fit into one carry on bag. Added to that all the FAA requirements, which grossly limit the amounts of liquid items.

      Plus it also means that she will spend time washing clothes too. Always a fun thing on vacation.

      In the end mouse really doesn't have a choice but to comply. But it didn't stop the internal discussion, nor did her arguing change his mind or have any effect whatsoever. Does it still bug mouse? Yep. Personally she feels it's silly for such a long trip with many different types of clothing she's required to wear...she feels he's being terribly unreasonable.

      But again, his mind is thoroughly made up and won't change,


  2. I am truly amazed and jealous of your ability to completely submit in that way.
    I so wish I could, and sometimes wish my "H" wanted to be more of a Dominant person in my life because I feel that if we truly committed to the cause, I would benefit by my life being turned around and leaving Him in control.
    While I may be broken in a different way, I often wonder if "H" could heal me in His way. I do know he slowly chips away at it when I let him in.

    I love your posts because they make me think.

    I sometimes try to practice being good for my "H" and doing what he asks.
    Today I have been instructed to rest every hour while out on a mall trip with my sister and friends.
    I told myself that I can do this small act of obedience for Him and for myself.
    Even a small task should give me some direction.

    Sorry I wrote a book on the comments section!


    1. Never apologize emi!

      Really mouse loves your comments! Yes, it can be difficult. But also mouse is kinda turned on by not having a choice sometimes.

      Honestly, mouse thinks that your husband might just be taking control in small doses. The more we demonstrate through our actions we need them, the more they do it.


  3. In the beginning of my journey into M/s i romanticised being called a slave without having any real idea of what it meant and would/could entail, yes naive i admit that.

    Now being referred to as a slave sometimes makes me uncomfortable perhaps because now i have a better understanding of what it involves and its so much more than just the physical aspect...its the trivial matters that i struggle with..something as simple as going out with friends, im expected to ask permission and accept without sulking (ok im working on that) that sometimes i wont be allowed.

    Like you said, im allowed to express an opinion, he encourages me to but ultimatley he has the final say, he may choose to take into account my feelings/thoughts but he also may not.

    I have never quite understood the concept of 'slaves/submissives holding the power' the way i see it is having chosen to enter into a tpe dynamic i have chosen to give him control over me, now my choices are limited to what he allows me, if he allows me a choice at all. I gave him my consent when agreeing to have this dynamic and that consent is fluid throughout..i dont withdraw it willy nilly when im not happy or not liking something..i have trusted him and do trust him to make the right decisions and choices for me.

    Ok it could be said that i have the power to walk away...but i cant and wouldnt..unless his behaviour became intentionally damaging to me or my children.

    tori x

    1. After O read the post, he said both sides hold power. The whole equal but different thing again. He said that mouse chooses to give her power to him, so he can control her....there isn't any thought of taking back that power.

      So, when something comes up that's difficult, like the above reply about one carry on bag for a month long holiday....mouse must remember that this is what ultimately she signed up for.

      If you look at the carry on bag, as a limit, then he's certainly pushing mouse....and in an odd way...when she thinks of it like makes it easier for her to bend to what he wants...


    2. oh i dunno mouse perhaps i still have lots to learn, to experience well i know i do, i can understand your explanation of the carry bags and how its pushing you, where i struggle is it doesnt make it easier for me to bend if anything i get my knickers in a twist and make it a bigger issue than it really needs to be.

      I do obey him that is but i do put up a lot of resistance if i feel its unjust(not always but a lot)...perhaps it will all come together at one point and get easier.

      tori x

    3. Oh the whole thing still makes mouse's blood boil and see red. Twisted panties...yep!!

      And Omega is aware of it.

      He's also aware that mouse hasn't a voice in this discussion.

      He knows in the end, while kicking and screaming, she wouldn't dare revolt or go out and purchase a proper suitcase just to spite him. It doesn't mean she didn't think about it.


    4. Yeah, this... For me, it's always the little things, the things I find impractical or not effective the way I like it, that's the hardest. Big life decision, control over my day, pain and sex - I usually don't have a problem. But when it's a practical issue, and I think I'm right, I have a hard time behaving myself...

      I comply in the end, but sometimes rather ungraciously. When it's done with huffing and puffing and a lot of "but if we do it this way instead..." I lose sight of my own place in the dynamic, but the truth is that beneath all my drama, I'm still hers. I would, for example, never say "no" or do something against her wishes. And that means that no matter if I grumble, she still gets to decide everything.

      And of course she can always decide it's enough of my grumbling, but she rarely do that.

      I find myself most at home with the definition of property, much more than with submissive, partly because it doesn't say anything about how I act or how I feel - only what I am in relation to her. I'm not always very submissive, but I'm always owned. For me, that's a freeing thought.

  4. OK. I am not comfortable commenting on the ins and outs of power exchange at this moment... But I was drawn in here by the song title reference, "In the Shadow of the Moon," because it is one of the songs I like by Jack Gladstone (a fairly unknown singer-songwriter who happens to be one of my favorites). I was a little disappointed to not find that song playing at the house of Omega and mouse, so thought I'd share:


    1. Oh swan thanks for sharing it! Love being exposed to new or different music. And love hearing from you at any time about any subject!


  5. Thanks for writing this post, the writing and the comments have been very helpful. I myself have been struggling with eveything now that the dynamic has really kicked in. Never leaving the house without calling first and maybe not being given permission....come on, do people really do this? Can I do this? Why do I want all this but then I get annoyed about it? I always comply but sometimes it really stesses me out.

    Your witing helps me see that maybe I just need to give it more time to adjust. The good does far outweigh the bad. I guess I just didn't expect for things to feel so suffocating sometimes and to feel that and unconditional love at the same time can really make your head spin.

    Thanks again for helping me through.

  6. Thanks for answering my questions, mouse. We too travel alot. I take one large bag,...but luckily mine gets checked. He weighs each bag as I'm packing to make sure I don't exceed the weight limit. You learn fast what to take and not take. Believe it or not different types of materials can make a big difference in weight.

    However, I'm not allowed any carry-on but my laptop and purse. I bought a really BIG purse for traveling. :) Over the years, I discovered I only need one good pair of walking shoes which I wear on the plane and one pair of dress shoes for going out. Take lots of washables and mix and match items. I also dislike having to do laundry when traveling, UGH!

    Our longest trip was 38 days. We did it with one bag for him and one for me. Its difficult planning but it can be done. Oh as to the liquid items...very basic cosmetics in plastic baggy go in the BIG purse. We buy (expensive yes but easier than going through security and less to pack and carry)all the other neeeded items: mouthwash, toothpaste, after shave etc after we land and settle in the first night.

    Good luck on your packing! and have a great time traveling. My second most favorite thing to need to tell you my first most favorite :)

    Take care


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