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Thursday, March 14, 2013

Asking

Why is it that mouse has a horrible time asking for help? It probably stems back from childhood and not being able to rely on anyone. It's just too difficult at least for mouse. It's like admitting defeat or failure. 

Sharing all the distinct and varied reasons for this was hard for mouse. What would Daddy think? Would he be upset? Angry? No -- for mouse it's easier to hide that all behind an air of competence. A cheery, "of course!" A lesson she learned in childhood and on the school yard. The stronger ones pick - off the weaker ones. It's survival of the fittest or the meanest. It's why animals guard and don't show injury.

Maybe it's just wired into our DNA and a throwback to our prehistoric ancestry. Like wisdom teeth.

It doesn't seem to matter what it is either.

It seems that it's connected in some ways to how mouse often feels she's not worthy of Daddy's love and lots of other things. Daddy always reminds mouse that she is. But it's not that easy. He reassures mouse all the time and she wants to believe him and mostly does. There's just this part or fear that might get inside her. It does get inside.  Maybe this is a distant rumble due to the punishment last weekend?  

What mouse admires most is that Daddy is so strong and has no issues asking or demanding what he wants and there are times that mouse really wishes she could channel that because it's hard to admit sometimes that her needs aren't being met.

Of course, Daddy knows all about this. He's working to help mouse and she appreciates it -- we talk about and mouse sometimes cries over it.  There's just no easy solution or way to change this.  Talking about it helps.  His support and guidance is unbelievable and wonderful.  

4 comments:

  1. So much of what you said is exactly how I feel. I have always had a low self esteem, something that irritates B. There was only 1 time in my life (before I met B)that I was completely confident - and I was so obnoxiously arrogant I don't know how I stood myself. Now I wish I could find a happy medium.
    I'm so glad Daddy is such a support and wonderful to you! You're more fortunate than others....
    s.t.

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  2. I'm sorry did you find your way into my brain/soul........I have such a hard time asking.....believing that I am worthy.

    My mantra starts with: "My Lord chose me, therefore I am worthy"

    but I have a struggled with living this.

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  3. mouse,

    i would imagine anyone who just went through the punishment you did would have aftershocks.

    i think sometimes our Master's make everything look so darned easy and have so many wonderful qualities that it seems hard to be worthy almost. It is rare that i feel that way but it happens to me too.

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  4. Though we are vanilla couple even I find really hard to ask my husband whereas for him it comes easier. May be its something to do with being a woman? May be we are conditioned by the society? Its a good thing our husbands know us so well!!:)

    Hugs,
    P

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