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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Full Tilt Objectification part 2

Yesterday, mouse wrote about her punishment or weekend of hell as she likes to call it. Now just a little matter, many loyal readers might have felt a tad put off that we didn't allow comments; rest assured the comments are back today. It's true the punishment left mouse feeling more than a little vulnerable and worried about how her readers might react. Also, didn't really care to hear the old standards, "my master would never do that" or the oldie but goodie, "you don't punish those people you love -- it's sad you don't understand you're being abused."

Straight onto mouse's thoughts:

Aside from the obvious, "you've got to be joking...no, wait! You're serious?!" once the punishment was laid out, mouse began to comprehend she was indeed in deep trouble. Oddly the punishment, while very reminiscent of her past owner; those were the good days back then! The worst times with Daddy were the best days with the previous owner.  At one point over the weekend mouse became rather lost in that thought.  Trying to recall if those "good times" were really that bad and it shocked her to think yes, they were.

The complete and utter remorse she felt,  even when she began the confession that led her down that path -- well, lets be honest her fate was sealed when she willfully disregarded his rules -- admitting them gained her no favor.  The sadness of knowing that she let Daddy down in a very serious way.  It was maddening....how stupid she was, was the recurring theme.  Meditation brought no relief but much clarity.

Sucking him, feeling him inside her mouth was often the hardest.  Hoping that she was demonstrating how much and deeply she loves him.  And the blank realization that she could have shown him that love by not breaking rules in the first place.  The only kindness he demonstrated to mouse as allowing her to pump her breasts (which makes sense since he didn't to diminish the supply -- BabyGirl still nurses a few times a day).  But even that -- he placed the pump to her breast and turned it on and didn't allow her to touch it.

Yet, throughout the punishment, during the daytime hours especially mouse also felt that this odd sense of calm about her.  There was this great sense that she was suffering for a reason that seemed to calm her.  Except at night when he was very cool and aloof toward her.  When he took her sexually and basically it felt as though she were being tossed aside after (he would even go as far as to wipe his penis off on her thigh after) and then roll over and promptly fall asleep.

Sunday morning she felt herself begin to crack under the pressure and eventually she shattered completely in his study.  It was moments before that, it hit her, not that she had been bad before or good at accepting her punishment thus far -- It was that what if this continued beyond today...Could she handle daily indifference, non-commital ways?  Even if she could deal with that the aloofness at night was too much to bear.  And yet during the daytime hours she missed so much his gentleness with her.  The way his hand felt brushing against hers or the way he can overpower her with a gaze or kiss.  The expressiveness of his eyes when she'd say something he'd find shocking...or downright bawdy.

People would often wonder how we were together.  Omega, they'd say, is such a cold person -- he's intimidating and aloof.  And mouse never saw that.  What she always saw was the man with sparkle in his eyes that lit up -- He said once they would only ignite when mouse was near.  Maybe that was true and maybe she's destroyed all that with her foolishness?

At that point mouse wasn't capable of thinking clearly and certainly couldn't discern that soon the children would be home.  Like a crazy woman mouse began to think in the most irrational of ways.  What if he kept them from her?  What if she hurt him so horribly our relationship completely disintegrated around us, like salt in warm water?

When she begged and pleaded for it all end and that she truly was sorry, mouse was nearly beside herself and clearly over-wrought and over stimulated by the thoughts that overwhelmed her.  The fears she let get so deeply inside her.

Without words, he simply ended it.  Although mouse isn't completely sure, she was giddy with joy she might have kissed his shoes.  When he helped her upstairs he held onto her tightly to let her know that he was indeed there.

A power exchange relationship is an odd thing for people on the outside to understand.  To understand the shear magnitude of trust on both sides of the exchange -- is to understand the punishment mouse endured.  It is, was and always shall be completely consensual.  But beyond consent, there lay an expectation that if something goes awry, measures will be taken to restore the balance.

In the end That Thing We Do is unique if only to us and deeply precious.  It's something he learned a while back not to squander or take for granted.  And mouse can suppose it was her turn to learn that same lesson.  Because the biggest part she did takeaway from all this was that our relationship doesn't need to be like this at all.  It is because at the core we really do wish it to be.  


22 comments:

  1. mouse,
    These last two posts touched me deeply. i can well understand how this must have all tormented and effected you. i am so glad you have your Daddy back and have been restored. Of all of the things that got me, was that he took your wedding band. i was thinking that, to me, this would feel like my very identity was stripped. i won't say that "my Master would never do this" because she certainly would. She has that in her. You wrote once that when you and Omega talked first about M/s, you couldn't do it without feeling his love. i imagine he did this out of love but i imagine it hit that nerve for you at the time. Thanks for writing this. Very powerful.

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    1. jade,

      The wedding band the pearls...ya he might as well stripped mouse nude and kept her that way. It was in many ways transforming. Yes, he totally did it out of love and to preserve everything we are.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  2. I confess, i was a bit like "oh. where has the comment box gone" but put off? no.

    When i first read yesterdays post i found it rather 'hot', i do love objectification, however as a form of punishment and lasting a weekend...im pretty sure i wouldnt make it 24 hours without breaking down.

    I so felt for you on the removal of your ring and pearls as i remember you talking in an earlier post about the significance? they mean to you. Perhaps similar emotions to having a collar removed albeit temporary?

    I think (although of course i cant speak for you) when its a punishment thats emotional based rather than being physical in some ways it worse...for me its not being allowed to share his bed and im put on the floor as punishment...i can lie there crying myself to sleep and he will be immune to it.

    Its worse i think because it gives the mind time to over analyse, and there is panic, what if i have gone too far this time etc...it in some ways removes that physical and emotional closeness and attachment that is craved.

    Then its over, and the relief and realisation its over is overwheleming.

    x







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    1. Tori,

      Glad you weren't put off by the lack of comment box...When he took away the ring...OMG ya, it was like mouse was disowned by him. He wanted to be sure mouse didn't have anything to cling to...maybe? If she could look at it, or feel the pearls around her neck...it might have given her a sense that -- Oh he's just being mean (or just pissed off) and it will all be ok. Not feeling that tether to him, that undeniable connection hurt.

      Don't know if they're completely immune to the effects of our punishments...Think maybe on some level it bothers them as much or maybe more than it does us.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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    2. what i dont quite understand is (bear with me here) is he says he doesnt enjoy punishing me and that he prefers i behave in the manner he knows he likes..but

      he is sadistic, he enjoys hurting me, seeing me distressed and when im being punished it hurts, it is distressing (not just in the physical sense, if anything the emotional anguish is worse) so i cant understand that it would bother him.

      If it does, he doesnt show it.

      x





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    3. Hi again tori,

      Honestly mouse pondered this from the moment Daddy said you replied. It depends on the punishment and the reason for it.

      Daddy will often do behavior modification stuff with mouse that leads to brief punishments, like a swack with a ruler or something along those lines when mouse says something he doesn't like. Those punishments while distressing to mouse, probably please him a little. Since he's a sadist.

      What he doesn't like and it bothers him, is when the punishment is for something mouse should certainly know better. Like what happened over the weekend.

      It actually bothered him a lot to be so callous with mouse.

      When it was going on...no, he never showed his own distaste for what he was doing. He didn't even acknowledge it afterward. He won't because he can compartmentalize it to such a degree it is seen as what was needed.

      Did Daddy want to do it? No. Did it bug him he had to do it? Yes. Was the correction justified? Absolutely.

      Does that make sense?

      Hugs,
      mouse

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    4. it makes sense yes, i get the part (i think) about Omega being able to compartmentalize, its a necessity..for the greater good?

      poor bossman is going to be talked to death about this subject when he gets home tonight lol

      thanks mouse

      x

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  3. The beauty of any relationship( power exchange or otherwise) is the fact that every relationship is unique. Please don't defend yourself or your relationship. It is what it is.

    What touched me the most is that he stopped everything when it was too much for you to take. his love for you is very evident:)

    Hugs,
    P

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    1. P

      Thank you. His love is very evident...really all the time...

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  4. Aww mouse, we make mistakes, we learn and then we grow. Only fear keeps us from growing(and other stuff too).
    Indifference hurts (me) the most. I guess it's supposed to.
    Hugs,
    mg
    xo

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    1. YEP YEP YEP...

      The general indifference to know that mouse did something to push him that far...to make him so angry...

      That hurt mouse more. Seeing that result and it makes to NEVER want to hurt him like that again.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  5. Sometimes we don't realize how precious something is to us until it is gone. There is so much to take away from these two posts. Thank you so much for sharing them. There have been times when I have in the past think on what if I lost Dave; the feeling was so intense at times that I felt empty, but I don't believe it was as intense as what you felt. This is the kind of lesson one holds onto and remembers. In a way, I wish I could learn a lesson this deep. I know in my mind that I still take for granted, and I wish I didn't. But Dave and I are not near to this point yet. I can only hope that one day we will. It takes a strong bond, and a strong relationship for both to be able to get through a lesson such as this. I see yours as one of the strongest I know of. Thank you.

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    1. Awww thanks...dunno tho about being strong...but the whole weekend is now definitely committed to memory. We have to learn from mistakes...even when we willfully make them.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  6. I was emotionally moved by the posts of the past two days. I had your post on my mind constantly. Like tori, I found it hot in some ways, but also I realized that it had to rip your heart out to give up your ring and pearls.

    I think that Omega stopped it at the right time, that act demonstrated his love for you.

    Sometimes we have to strip away every material thing to focus on what really is important.

    Big Hug,
    joey

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    1. Thank you joey...

      And ya he did stop it at the right time...honestly don't know what mouse would have done had it continued...

      So grateful it was over. So deeply sorry it had to happen.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  7. I completely understand what happened here. And it's funny because, even though I don't comment often, I REALLY wanted to comment yesterday. I guess I wanted to reach out and comfort you. Lol. This sounds like something my Master might do, though His methods certainly differ a bit. What we must remember is that even the harshest discipline is sometimes needed but more importantly always born of love. He put you through that not just to teach you, or remind you, but because He loves you so. And look at the wonderful changes in you it has brought about! :) (Not that you weren't wonderful before)

    Hugs,
    Sara

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    1. Thank you Sara for you lovely comment.

      It was born of love. And honestly it has brought about some very profound changes in mouse that can't be ignored.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  8. I was somewhat at a loss because you gave no clue as to what your transgression actually was.

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    1. Malcolm Sir,

      We'll just say it was very HUGE and mouse dismissed a few very long standing rules...Really can't even explain what mouse was thinking...except clearly she wasn't thinking about Daddy...it was ultimately exceedingly selfish and very wrong.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  9. indifference is the absolute worst punishment ... i could completely relate to this post miss mouse

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    1. Thanks so much wednesday...

      And ya...especially at night...OMG it was the worst.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  10. Mouse,

    I want to let you know that the last two posts and comments were very powerful. Perhaps, the most moving posts I have read in 30 months of reading blog posts. Thank you so much.

    Hug,
    joey

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