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Monday, March 4, 2013

Peering Through the Curtains

So many thoughts this morning and mouse isn't at all sure where to begin. As Daddy took more control over mouse, one thing she quickly realized was that it was freeing. This is something that's so difficult to explain. It's like being shown two cupcakes, both look amazingly delicious and being told you can only have one. You have to choose wisely. Each has its own elements you know you would love, but they're both different.

Then out of the blue, someone else happens along, and whispers to get the salted caramel, because the chocolate is a bit dry. There's this immediate feeling of relief. Of course you don't know if this stranger is really being helpful or wants to claim the chocolate one for themselves or is just tired of seeing you stare with uncertainty.

This is also the prime reason, Daddy almost always orders for mouse in restaurants. Because she invariably becomes "stuck" mentally between two or more items. Daddy cuts through the minutia or white noise of mouse's brain and relief sweeps over her. In our life, he guides mouse through the hidden mines, and solidly offers advice.

Daddy is often fond of saying a person's actions speak larger than words and sometimes mouse must agree he's right. Certainly his actions do speak much louder than his words! And mouse likes to think that her actions speak just as loudly -- especially where her family and close friends are concerned.

It's rather odd, how careful we are with what we share with others outside of our circles of trust. Very few people know of how mouse is with Daddy -- a few more might guess about how we live our lives but they would never outrightly ask. Here, mouse can be open about things involving that thing we do, it's like we open curtains but only when we are together. When our other family members or friends are present we close the curtains and obscure the view.

It's something mouse has deeply struggled with recently. When do open them and when do we decide to close them forever?

16 comments:

  1. I feel the same way about several things abou tthe minutia. It's mind bogling how quick it changes, if Daddy tells me to order myself a panic almost sets in and theen he orders anyway.

    Hoping you leave the curtains open for us for a long time.

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  2. I enjoy reading everything you write. Especially this post....

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  3. I like your cupcake analogy, perfectly explained.

    I too have been thinking about when to share ttwd, and when to not. And with who? And why? Originally it came up because I wanted someone I could trust to wipe all evidence of this lifestyle from my home and my computer in the event that Vincent and I are unable to (death, coma, etc.). But there are so many other things to consider, so many thoughts bouncing around about it... someday a decision will have to be made.

    Sometimes I wish there wasn't such a need to have ttwd kept so secret.

    hugs

    Alex

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    1. It's hard and very isolating at times, especially when you're not active in the lifestyle, as in attending munches...things like that.

      We all need to have that one person we can trust with saying....Um..should something happen erase the hard drive.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  4. I think it's wise to be very careful who you share what with and sometimes the lines aren't always clear because things can change and do change with time.

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    1. exactly! You just never know when something can come back to bite you.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  5. You know mouse i do sometimes find this lifestyle very lonely because unless one is actively involved in the public scene (which we are not) it can get isolating, for me more so than him..its not like one can talk to friends truely and genuinley openly because well you might be met with horror and they wouldnt understand.

    So yeah blogger for me fills the gap in being able to be more open to talk about me and our relationship without being judged and 'seeing' im not alone but saying that i do get a lot of judgement thrown my way at times even here.

    It took me a while to see the logic in being 'free', when living consensual slavery or tpe appears to be everything but..but yep its freeing.

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    1. It is lonely but people like you make it feel so much less so.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  6. I like you cupcake analogy!
    Somedays I feel like I don't want to make any choices at all and somedays... I want them to be made for me, while other days.. I just want to fight against that all and do what I please.

    The odd part is, I feel somewhat centered when my "H" makes decisions and I can just follow... I feel peaceful and "free".
    I think, in my heart.. that is what I want more of and want most... I'm hoping that becomes more enhanced in our relationship... then I just have to wrestle with my raging control issues and remember the feeling I get when I can just relax, and follow...
    It's tricky though for me.
    ((hugs))

    Emi

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    1. Emi,

      Somedays the simplest of choices are just too much. You're super busy these days...mouse can certainly understand it.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  7. mouse you certainly have a gift for expressing yourself, I'm very grateful for it every time you post!

    I have always thought submission to be freeing, and that is one reason I enjoy reading the blogs of submissive women - at least someone is on the right track. Perhaps you already know, from reading my blog and comments on yours, that I suspect that we actually do not ever make any choices, do not have any freedom of choice.

    I'm not alone in this of course, it's accepted in some quarters that "events happen; deeds are done; but there is no doer thereof." Which amounts to the same thing. After all, if there is no doer, there cannot have been any choice. You have heard me say that before, and you don't agree, I know; but it is a very freeing thought, don't you think? Unfortunately most of the time I revert to the lifelong habit of trying to make choices and thinking I may not have done it right. What a waste!

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    1. Yep...we're constrained by many thing...our DNA, gender, laws...

      We are culmination of evolution by natural selection. Its encoded into it.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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