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Sunday, September 15, 2013

Failing My Submission

No song title today...but a play on words (Hope you're not offended sin!) 

Last week, well a few days ago mouse wrote about giving Daddy more control over her personal time. Now let's be clear it's not something she regrets in anyway. In fact she feels it was timely for us. On that post Goodgirl remarked about mouse giving up that control. Now, mouse is sure that there are things that GoodGirl does in her power exchange that would make mouse slightly jealous or at the least in awe.

Daddy wants mouse to practice mindfulness while doing tasks -- and mouse has tried to do this, but ends up writing (mentally) blog posts. While cleaning the floors Friday, mouse began musing about fellow bloggers that make mouse at times feel inferior. Sin's blog Finding My Submission came screaming to mind. When sin writes about Big Bad making her put nipple clamps on in parking lots...well mouse just sits in awe of that.

It's not a request mouse thinks she could follow and having a baby in the back seat probably hasn't a thing to do with it either.

Lil on her Submissive Sanctuary blog, mentioned that she and her Dom/Master don't do punishments. That's something mouse would love to strive for -- to be at a point where Daddy felt punishments weren't needed?! It's not that mouse is often punished but when it is -- it's usually bad.

In the Heron Clan, swan openly discusses and gives so much more than mouse feels she ever could, to Tom her Dom and life partner. They've had so many issues over the past couple years -- things that honestly probably would have mouse running for the hills long ago....added to that they're poly -- which is a place mouse can't mentally go to...

That blog has gone a long way to change mouse's view of poly...it probably gives Daddy more hope than he should have.

Then there's people like Jz and Little Monkey, with such a beautiful way with words -- makes mouse feel inferior on a whole different level...

Even Goodgirl when she does post (which isn't often enough) wrote so lovely and had so much to say...she inspired mouse. Vesta too is like that. Inspiring bloggers all around for different reasons. There are lots of other bloggers who at one time or another have made mouse feel inadequate or ordinary.
Sometimes mouse wishes....that she could be more of what he wants.
To really be that slave.

Of course Daddy says don't worry about all that. That he loves mouse just as she is and to forget what she thinks he wants and focus on only what she knows he wants....what he says he wants today.

A quote Daddy sent mouse from Kalidasa.
“Yesterday is but a dream,
Tomorrow is only a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”

It's times like this mouse feels this crushing urge to call him Master. As if somehow, if she calls Master it will magically transform her...and take away all her flaws.

25 comments:

  1. If he wanted you to be more like someone else, he would shape you that way.

    And I think many of us are in awe of what you do and of the grace with which you do it!

    Everyone's submission is different, everyone's Dom is different. They picked us for different reasons, they shape us in different ways, they want different things.

    If you thought Omega wanted, really wanted, for you to put on nipple clamps in a parking lot or at the PTA, you'd do it.

    -sin

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    Replies
    1. You're so sweet sin <3!

      And you're right...if Omega asked for that...she would do it. At the time she wrote it she totally meant every word...but now...she kinda wishes she hadn't. It's sorta giving him ideas...lol

      When you write about public/private humiliation stuff it's hot...Really hot to mouse...

      But...it's a road we haven't traveled much, yanno? It's scary and dangerous...and exciting...

      He already knows it's something mouse on some levels wants...

      Saying here...totally different...admitting something like that....is kinda scary for mouse.

      But ya...if he asked she'd totally do it.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  2. Oh mouse, I think that I went about that punishment post all wrong--he actually suggested that I write a retraction, as things have changed a bit over the year and a half since he said the words I quoted.
    I wish it did, but it all really had nothing to do with me being good.

    I think it's all about being on the outside looking in--from over here, your like the poster child for slavery.

    "Sometimes mouse wishes....that she could be more of what he wants.
    To really be that slave."

    I truly do believe that we all feel that way at times. In fact, I feel that way quite often...

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    Replies
    1. Thanks lil! Really thank you so much!

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  3. Only you - and especially Omega - can decide if you've failed or not. For my part - i can point to how much of an inspiration you are: not in specifics, the details of your life don't match mine, nor are you and your master the same people as me and mine, but you are open to him, you work hard at that, and you actively work on your submission - that has taught me and inspired me to work on mine. So - thanks.

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    1. Thanks gg!

      Think lately there's been this need in mouse for more...yanno? It's like things are very good and have been very good for a while but in some ways mouse feels that she's sloppy a little in her slavery aspects...

      Might have to think more on that...

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  4. oh, sweetie, the grass is always greener.
    Most of us stand in awe of the relationship you two have created.
    (and it's a whole lot easier to flap your lips than buckle down and do...!)

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    Replies
    1. OOooooh you're so right. It is greener totally.

      *shoulder bump*
      mouse

      Delete
  5. mouse, I am amazed that you are in awe of what is done here at the house of Herons. I keep believing that you and Omega have blazed the trail that I am trying to follow. Leaving the signposts that are keeping me moving forward in the journey which is mine at present. I think the lesson for you and for me and for all of us, is that we each have strengths and gifts. We all have places where we falter and lose our courage. We share with one another, bear one another up, and hold one another close. We are friends across miles and without regard to the differences that divide us. The gift we give one another is the gift of simply being with and for each other.

    hugs, swan

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    Replies
    1. You Herons are totally amazing! You are completely correct we do all have our own gifts and strengths that we bring at different times.

      Thank you swan, you've taught mouse so much and she's learned so much from all the Herons.

      Sincerely with love (gosh that sounds silly or formal but actually means it)
      mouse

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  6. Mouse, you inspire me so much with your submission. I think we all punish ourselves with the idea we are not good enough or submissive enough but in truth if we weren't good enough our Sir/Master wouldn't still be with us patiently (or sometimes not!) steering us further into our submission x Sarah

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    1. Sarah...thanks and yes you're totally correct. After making a few comments it's probably a bit more that moue feels she's become a bit lazy in her slavery aspects of life....yanno?

      Will have to think on that more..

      Thank you so much for commenting...

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  7. Mouse, you are exactly who are you supposed to be at this moment, and if and when it's time to evolve, you will -- that's all any of us are or will ever be. And it seems like your Daddy is very pleased with the person you are. It's a shame you can't see yourself the way others do. :(

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  8. mouse
    I try to think of flaws as our special gift of humility. Being humble grounds me, encourages me to grow, to remind myself forgiveness, both of myself and towards others.
    I embrace my flaws as I embrace the laugh lines around my lips and eyes. They balance me like everything else.

    Many warm hugs,
    ~cockdoll

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    Replies
    1. ~c

      Oh the reminding yourself forgiveness part is something mouse needs serious work on! You're so centered and grounded and mouse knows she shouldn't compare but she feels so scattered and all over the place...

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  9. I do agree with whats been said, that it is quite common and normal to feel that we could be more...

    i spend far too much time dwelling on that.

    I love your blog, your voice because its open, honest and there is a lot of what you say that gives me pause for thought, plus your amazing and appreciative patience when i ask questions lol

    What i love about this whole blogging community is the acceptance of each other, the support, even though there are differences in dynamic types, for the most part there is no judgement.

    x

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    1. Actually mouse should have mentioned that she's also pea green with envy over you too...

      You and Bossman get to do some serious play once in a while..

      Our playtime ebbs and flows waaaaay too much.

      Delete
  10. There is really not much more to say than what has been said above. We all feel as you do sometimes and even when that feeling sucks, it does indeed help us grow.

    Your blog has helped our relationship grow in so many ways and yes it is sometimes read with envy; but most importantly reading about the love and closeness you two share has served as a reminder as to why one keeps marching on.

    Submission is a very unique thing because we submit to unique people and it really doesn't matter how we submit as long as it fits your personal dynamic.

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    1. You're right Dancing and it's important for mouse to keep that in mind.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  11. mouse,

    i think of you as perfectly lovely. You are thoughtful, attentive, and open. You have shared brave things about your relationship and that is hard to do. It gives hope and that is coming from me, a person who doesn't want to believe in hope. :)

    You are enough. So much more than enough.

    Hugs to you,
    jade
    www.jadescastle.wordpress.com

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Jade....Thank you so much!

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  12. I find your blog so admirable that I put a space before the title so the app on my cell will place you at the top when I sort my fav blogs alphabetically. Honest. Don't see yourself short!

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    1. Bound Emotions..

      Oh you are absolutely too sweet! Honestly mouse never thought about doing that...
      hmmm

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  13. I think your heart and what you want to give him is what is important...that's what it's all about. And do they either bloggers have to take care of a baby full time?

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